Reaching the goal of Marriage Equality: Why I truly felt the pride

It happened now over a month ago, but I am still reflecting on how the aftershocks of THAT decision in the USA continue to reverberate all across the Caribbean. The lingering vibrations even greater than the ones the Kick'em Jenny underwater volcano has been able to produce.

It was Friday June 26th. The day when we all read the headline.'Same sex marriage is now legal all across the U.S'. Ever since then, pastors from my home country Barbados and the wider Caribbean have been been digging their heels in, vowing to keep 'marriage equality' from reaching their island shores, as if it were a rare and lethal form of dengue or ebola.

Of course for me, it was not a decision that filled me with any worries. Indeed, I saw it as a landmark victory and I felt without doubt that I was part of the winning team. In some respects, it reminded me of how I felt in 2008, when Barack Obama was declared US president. It was a day you hoped you'd be alive to witness,  but never in your wildest dreams expected be there to see. I felt elated for the LGBT community, because I know for them it has been and will continue to be a long hard struggle. But even in my own euphoria, I stopped to reflect a bit.

I am not a member of the LGBT community and I don't live in the US,  so why was I feeling so excited?  Why was I so emotional?  Why was I fighting to hold back the tears? To be quite honest, I really wasn't sure. Canada has had marriage equality for a decade now, so it's no really an issue here where I live. However, though we don't always like to admit it, what happens in the US tends to have a far greater influence on the rest of the world than what happens in other countries. I knew what happened in the US would have a big impact on the debate  in other parts of the world and that has happened. As a result of this ruling,  I believe that full marriage equality worldwide is now a matter of 'when' rather than 'if'. And that, as a certain vice president would say is  'a big fucking deal'.

But that still doesn't explain why it was a big deal for me. Having had now more time to think about it, I  recognize why. It is because I myself have had my own journey over the last few years.  A journey which has brought  as significant an opening of the mind as an opening of the heart. My journey has not been one where I was to trying to be able to love who I wanted to, mine has been one of a loss of love, separation from the God I once believed in. It was coming to terms with accepting an idea I embraced six years ago. The notion that there is no higher power, no cosmic leader or arbitrator beyond space and time that pulls the levers or keeps things in motion. Going through that transition in my belief system certainly provided its degree of emotion and at that time I considered it to be perhaps the biggest struggle of my life to get through. I remember well the anxiety and uncertainty of walking that narrow secular road ahead.

At that time, it was all about finding my own way and figuring how I would "come out" to family and friends and psychologically be able to navigate in the world without that spirit to guide. Still, I happily embraced the world of 'reason' and looked on it to lead the way. In trying to come to grips with my new life, I started to reach out. First through this blog which I started back in 2010 and then through joining organizations such as Centre for Inquiry (CFI) here in Calgary.

In time these associations and activities brought me in contact with more atheist, humanist and secular groups. I discovered atheist and secular podcasts which quickly became my daily diet of listening. Two years later, I would also become a podcaster, doing what I could to add to reasonable rational voices already out there.

I realize now, that on that Friday 'same sex marriage' morning the journey that was pulling at my heartstrings was not my journey to atheism, but my journey since atheism. The journey that has led to me walking arm in arm with so many secularists all over the world. Now that I have successfully navigated my personal 'coming out' as an atheist,  I have discovered that my non-theism is about far more than ME.  It goes far beyond just getting through as David Ince. It's about a family, a community and a world that is held back in so many ways because of the prevalence of religious laws, religious norms and religious thinking that will still take many more years to sweep away.

In the beginning of my atheist life, as much as it was exciting to find a community that I could identify with and feel good about being able to reason with, it was also at times distinctly uncomfortable. The discomfort came from the fact that I realised just how much 'un-reason' there was in the world and how many people were suffering because of it day by day. People have lost their lives, families, jobs and been sent into exile in many places due to 'unreason'. Much of this irrationality stems from religion, and I felt that we as secular people, who understood these issues more than most, had a responsibility to try to fix them. But were we doing enough? Was I doing enough?

Moving beyond my disbelief

I quite quickly realized that one of the biggest issues that the secular movement was involved in, certainly in the western world, was gay rights and rights within the LGBT movement in general.
The first president of the CFI in Calgary when I joined back in 2010 was Mike Gray, He was an enthusiastic leader, passionate about building the secular community and also openly gay. I remember he would from time to time wear a t-shirt with the word "Gaytheist" emblazoned on the front.

I smiled when I saw him do that, but it also was a genuine eye opener for me. For all my time growing up in Barbados I knew my fair share of gay people, or should I say my fair share of people 'rumoured to be gay.' But that's the point, it was never something anyone wore as a source of pride, it was a mark of shame, something to hide from at all costs.

Discovering the word 'homosexual'

I remember very well the first time I heard the word 'homosexual' when I was about seven years old.. One heavy set young fellow pushed a smaller boy on the pasture at school and the little guy responded with the words  "You're a homosexual!" I can guarantee that none of us around there had a clue what that word meant. But we just knew it had to be something bad, really bad. A word so big couldn't be benign. It had four whole syllables, it had to be something dangerous and terrible. Indeed at the time, I think it was the only four syllable word we knew.

So, for the rest of that term the word 'homosexual' became the insult word of choice. It was all fun for us as kids, nothing too serious. But looking back I think the anti gay sentiment was set in for us even back then. I came to learn that homosexual was just the more formal word for 'buller' that pejorative 'b' word for being gay in Barbados.

Yes, as I grew up into adolescence in Barbados I came to realize that you could pretty much survive being accused of anything, but one thing you never wanted to be was to be 'accused' of being gay. No, if anyone were to think that even for a moment, your entire reputation would be flushed down the toilet.  Guaranteed!  In fact in my parents' generation a common euphemism for referring to a person who was gay was to call them a person 'of doubtful reputation'. I have seen it many times, artists, musicians, scientists and sportsmen. All their achievements glibly glossed over as people say ' but you know he is a 'b*****.

Backing away

I can remember one term in secondary school when I began to talk quite regularly to this one guy, as we both used to get picked up from school around the same time. One morning,  a classmate called me aside and said he had noticed I had been spending a lot of time talking with this friend. He warned me that this individual was known to be gay and if I continued to hang out with him, people would start to believe I was the same way too. I was shocked by what I heard and from the very next evening I started cutting my conversations with my new friend short and about two weeks later I was finding other people to hang out with on afternoons. It's embarrassing to look back at that now and I wish I could go back and change it, but that's just the way it was.

In spite of this, I certainly was not among the 'homophobic' in Barbados.  As a liberal, I was always in favour of gays having whatever rights others were entitled to. However, there was still a level of distance that I felt I wanted to keep from them. I endorsed the idea that gays should be equal but still separate. You should tolerate them, but that didn't mean you went out of your way to have them as your best friend. People may find this surprising, but my position at that time was at the very progressive end of the spectrum of attitudes in Barbadian society.  The more conservative  view was. 'You gays just need to find Jesus and stop sinning'.  And of course as 'good Christians' the conservatives were called to reach out to this community in 'love' by helping them to turn from their 'nasty' and  'wicked' lifestyle.

In spite of this hurtful kind of rhetoric, I have to say that at least to Barbados' credit, we never had the violence against gays that other Caribbean countries such as Jamaica had to endure. Indeed, many in the Caribbean often saw Barbados as the most 'gay friendly' island and we Bajans can attest to being frequently teased about this from our island neighbours. Additionally, within Barbados  we often made fun of the gay community ourselves. The easiest way for a comedian to get a cheap laugh, was to  make a joke about homosexuals or trans sexuals. The way they talked, the way the walked the way they dressed, it was all fodder for various forms of ridicule. That was the comedy we seemed to like more than any other type. The popular comedy and calypso singing group MADD milked it for all it was worth through their 'ArchiBULL Cox' character. For so many years we laughed and laughed, lapping up the hilarity without much of a second thought. For those of us who were straight, we would privately let out a sigh of relief that at least we weren't one of THEM.

So when I came in to the secular world and realized that the people I grew up  identifying as those "THEMS" were actually important allies,  it was somewhat of an about turn for me to take. As I said. I have never had problems with the movement for 'gay rights', but a lot of my feelings before being an atheist activist were pretty apathetic. I thought they deserved rights, but I didn't see it as something I needed to get up off the couch and join them in the fight for.

But my views changed quickly, from the time I started going to weekly CFI meetings, held at the 'Sapien ' night club.' Sapien' was a gay club, it's name a clever short form for 'homo- sapien'. I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable telling people I was going there for meetings. Especially people from the Caribbean, who had enough trouble getting over the 'atheist' thing already. I had to admit that even as a freethinker and atheist I still had lingering fears about someone thinking I was gay when I was not. I felt embarrassed about having such feelings and never shared them with any of my new secular friends, most of whom had grown up in Canada and appeared to have no such hang ups like this at all.

I realized somewhat in horror, that even though I was a liberal by Barbadian standards, I still had a way to go in dealing with aspects of my thinking which still had  remnants of indoctrination. Shedding my belief in a god was indeed only the first step of many I would need to take to embrace rationality fully. Going on to meet people like our following president Nate Phelps (son of Fred Phelps) and strong LGBT activist made me understand more. I began to realize this was more of a fight about human rights than about 'approving' of particular sexual practices. Then we interviewed gay individuals from the Caribbean such as Duane Howard and Dadland Maye on 'Freethinking Island' who had faced backlash in their respective countries of Jamaica and Trinidad. Later we interviewed Angeline Jackson whose work as an advocate in Jamaica has made her  recognized publicly by no less a person than President Barack Obama.

But it wasn't all about the social impact of my new friends in the LGBT Community that affected my thinking. It was reason and  evidence of their arguments that ultimately made me open my mind fully on this issue. The LGBT movement, in putting forward their arguments for their rights, always made a convincing and compelling case. Their arguments  made me realize that not only did they deserve tolerance and acceptance, they deserved to be fully embraced and supported in their push for all basic human rights. That included the important right to all the benefits of being 'married' if they chose to go that route.

I came to learn that to look at the gay community as 'equal but separate' was just not good enough. To do that, would be like saying to blacks in times gone by, that you can drink the same water as the whites but you just need to go to a different water fountain. I began to understand why it was important that the word 'marriage' be used to define gay unions as well as straight ones. Many people like to say that if you let gays have a  'marriage like' union you should call it something else. But that's part of the 'separate but equal' mentality that I now definitely reject.

This is what I have come to love about being in the atheist and secular community. You get your views challenged all the time and you move or adjust your position in the face of a rational argument. That's how it should be. Losing my belief in a god, has allowed me to investigate these human rights issues without the inhibition of dogma. I have come to recognize that a world where rights are extended to more people is a win for all. When this happens we should be proud that we as a human species have identified an imbalance in our system and have taken measures to correct it.

Love your neighbour

So, the marriage equality win is not a win for the 'gays' it's a win for the world. I realize this is a difficult concept for some people. For  as much as Christians claim that being good is about loving your neighbour and caring for others, the truth is that religion is generally not about including others and loving unconditionally. It's about loving your 'neighbour' in a restricted sense. Loving those who are 'next to you' culturally or ideologically. In general, religion is not about loving people who are different and respecting them for who they are. For them, love is about trying to push others who may live far away into  becoming 'neighbours'. For its only when you are in the same 'neighbourhood' as them that they think you can experience love fully

This is where the whole 'love the sinner, hate the sin' comes from. Translated it means, 'We love you, but that love is expressed through placing emotional pressure on you to embrace our belief'. So they will argue that you can't really appreciate or understand love until you experience the love of Jesus. They'll say you will only get God's full approval, if you turn away from your 'sin' of being a homosexual. Love in  a religious context definitely comes with strings attached.

You don't have to be in our neighbourhood

But those of us on the secular side don't operate from that premise. Our aim is to love our 'neighbours' but also those who have taken up residence far away, those who may have likes, preferences and cultures far different from ours. It's about looking to defend the rights of the marginalized wherever they may be. It doesn't have to be us atheists ourselves that are the ones being denied the right. In fact it could be and often is the very religious who we disagree with, whose rights we want to defend.

I realize this is a very difficult concept for a lot of people.  That's why some of my friends in Barbados, including some in my own family, wondered if my putting the rainbow filter on my Facebook profile pic, was actually me coming out as a homosexual!

It's weird, but I think I get it. So often our world promotes a 'stand up for YOUR rights' attitude. Fight for what you think that YOU have been denied. It's important to do that, but that's not where it should end. You need to stand up for the rights of others as well, even as others stand up for YOUR rights. That's how we make the world better.  The fight is not over and the battle continues. Other groups will need the support as the years go on. None more so than the 'T's in the 'LGBT' movement, I think of my brave colleague in the Caribbean secular community Gabrielle Bellot, who is the Founder of the 'Caribbean Freethinkers' Society' blog and facebook group. Gabrielle is a transgender woman living in US, who now lives in fear of returning to her native Dominica since her transition. Given the disparaging comments that have been made about people like Caitlyn Jenner in her island and the rest of the Caribbean, her fear is not at all unfounded. Things like this make it clear that we need to keep up the fight both for those in our 'neighbourhood' and those who live well outside.

So we must go on. It's amazing and remarkable. A journey that started out for me as a mere disbelief in the existence of a god has become so much more along the way, and I truly feel the PRIDE when I think about that.

Breaking the silence: Being in Barbados as an 'out' atheist, and other reflections on a year of transition

Atheist meet-up  during my most recent visit to Barbados. A memorable evening
and sign of hope for things to come!

It's been a long, long time. Over a year !!

Can't believe I have gone so long without making an entry in this blog.

Don't think that the lack of writing in any way signified that nothing interesting was going on in my life. Nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is there was perhaps too much happening, lots of things to think about and reflect on. There were so many times when I thought to write, but I think it was a matter of trying to figure out what I should say, what I could say and how I should say it.

What I have realised, is like anything else, writing blogs is a habit. When you're in the groove you seem able to churn them out weekly almost with no effort. But when you lose the habit and find one week, two weeks, three weeks, a month, six months, a year has gone by without you saying anything it becomes harder and harder to break the silence, even when you know deep inside that you have a thousand things to say.

As I look back and see my last blog post, I remember the wonderful Black Out Secular Rally we had in New York last year and the exciting launch of the Caribbean Secular Alliance (CSA) we had back then. The formation of the CSA was an exciting beginning and one I had personally looked forward to making happen for a long time. I was impressed with the team of secularists that we had from countries as diverse as Jamaica, Trinidad, Barbados, Grenada, Dominica and USVI. Many of these key members present at the inaugural meeting live or online were either avid bloggers and/ or podcasters. It was a thrill to be able to assemble and then be a part of such a group.

But with high hopes of building on this group, I faced my own start-up challenges both professionally and personally. I had recently completed my PhD degree in Calgary where I had focused on the development of renewable energy technologies in the Caribbean and was exploring the possibility of returning to Barbados or the Caribbean to work on projects there. At the same time I have been pursuing interests within Canada and as a result the last year has seen me travelling to Barbados and the Caribbean quite a bit both for work and general reconnecting. However, I remain based in Calgary, Canada.

On the personal front, last year I separated from Heather, my wife of 13 years. It was a break that came just one month before my thesis defence and it sent my world into a tailspin. Heather is from Barbados and of course I have many memories there of being with her when I was there last. I knew I still had quite a bit to deal with emotionally and still do.

To say that I had much on my plate over the last year and a half, would be the epitome of understatement. I got through  2013 thanks to a lot of support from family and friends, some old and some new.  But it certainly wasn't all gloomy. I  had something to celebrate in being a brand new 'doctor' and with the formation of the CSA now behind me I  had something new to get my teeth into and drive forward.

But just as I was at that pinnacle, I found myself feeling emotionally drained and unfortunately my work in secularism took a hit. I wasn't able to continue with the 'Freethinking Island' podcast which I had been doing frequently with co host Joy Holloway- D' Avilar. The blogging stopped and after a few initial meetings of planning we have not in recent times had meetings with the CSA.

I felt disappointed to not be taking an active role in a movement that I feel so proud to be part of, but I just needed to take some time for myself. Still, I kept being involved in the dialogue and meeting people and talking on the subject. I just wasn't writing or getting things in podcasts. Today I am finally putting thoughts back into words

Interacting with the believers in Barbados

It was an interesting mix of emotions going back to Barbados in 2013. My friends there had so much to talk about when it came to me. The two big topics were of course the news of my two break ups. As far as my divorce from God was concerned, that was starting to become common knowledge in many circles in Barbados. It didn't take me long to realise that inspite of the deafening silence from my friends in Barbados that often accompanied my facebook status updates,  blogs and podcasts announcements about my non belief, people were reading.

I will never forget when driving through Bridgetown,  I heard a good friend shout at me through the window " Hey Incey (that's what many of my childhood friends call me), Man I read all of your stuff!"

That had an impact on me. I found it telling. This guy has never made a single comment on anything I ever posted, yet he was reading.  Even though he hadn't seen me for years that was the first thing he thought to say when he set eyes on me.

There were others who were not so forthright in talking about my writing, but whenever the subject of religion came up in conversation I could see they were well aware of my new perspective on the divine. On one occasion I met a friend from school. We started out just catching up on what we had been up to in recent years and she mentioned about her involvement in teaching Sunday School. I casually stated that I used to be involved in that sort of thing but now I was no longer a believer.

She smiled knowingly, as if she was waiting for me to bring it up. Then she did her best to win me back over telling me all about the love of God and 'evidence' for his existence with some not so fine tuned cosmological and teleological arguments. When all was said and done, we had been standing there talking in the open for well over an hour. It happened to be an overcast day and the sun popped out from behind a stubborn cloud just at the moment that she made a point about how powerful He is and the great things He had done in her life.  Her smile beamed as the sun rays suddenly streamed down, " There, look at how God is showing himself to you."

I gave a little chuckle and thought about the weakness of belief. It was one of those times when you get something from a believer that is kind of half joke. Deep down they know it's lame. At least I think they must do, but they still hope that you will go 'hmm'. Or maybe it's just a good distraction, something you'll both laugh at to forget the hammering that they just got when the logic of their argument was pulled to shreds.

This type of interaction was repeated in Barbados on many occasions. I got to know about all the struggles with health, relationships, finances, jobs, studies and much more more that friends and acquaintances of mine have had to go through in the last few years. They revealed these things to me to show me how real their gods have been in getting them through these situations, giving them strength to cope where they would not have been able to do it otherwise.

I think I made a discovery. For any of you in the Caribbean who like to 'know people business', just go up to a person and tell them you don't believe in God and ask them why they believe and wait for the 'testimonies'. If you are patient you'll have all the inside gossip of their lives.  All jokes aside, it just amazed me that these people expected that such stories would move me. That somehow, hearing THEIR testimony was the one thing I needed to sway me back to faith.

Didn't they realise that I have been hearing these types of stories poured out to me constantly for five years plus? What would make theirs a game changer?

I have had so much experience with these discussions now I took some time and formulated the following template. Here is what they say:

Testimony Template

(1). At some point in life I had a very difficult situation to deal with. 

Today, either 2a, 2b or 2c accurately represents reality.

(2a) At some point (seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years or decades later) I got through that difficult situation. 
(2b)  I  haven't got through the situation but I have faith that I will get through the situation someday. 
(2c)  I haven't got through the situation and don't think I ever will but I have learnt to live with the situation and adapt accordingly.

Therefore I can be sure that (3) is the case.

(3).  God is real and never fails me.

If skeptic is not convinced, go back to step (1) and mention another difficult situation that had to be dealt with. Repeat cycle.

When there is no movement on the part of the skeptic after several cycles, he or she is accused of being close minded by rejecting every example. That's how it works.

One of the most interesting interactions I had on that first Barbados visit came with a friend I used to play with regularly at church. He revealed that the priest at a church we used to perform at had got wind of my atheism. According to him, they 'went ballistic' and wondered how I could possibly do 'something like that.' He said that that he himself was not sure if I would ever be welcomed back into the church again given what he had witnessed in terms of the response from the priest.

This revelation had a profound effect on me. Up until that point, I always considered the decision about whether to go into a church or not in terms of my comfort level. Did I feel like I really belonged there? Was I being hypocritical? Could I justify it based on the social aspects of the service? Was there enjoyment I could get out of singing the hymns or playing the music even if I no longer believed? Were their things I could learn from the sermon or the lessons even though I rejected the overall doctrine? Could I make it through the tedium of the Te Deum and all the rest of the droning?

But never, never had I thought about things the other way around. The perspective of how they would feel. Would they want to have me? It's then I realized of course the big difference between being an atheist and being a person that everybody knows is an atheist. On my trip to Barbados in 2011 the former was the case. Now things were different.

I began thinking about reactions that I have had from people after saying I have been to church or a religious event.

" Wait, and the church roof didn't fall down?" ,
" Lightning didn't strike you?"
" Nobody didn't hold you to douse you with holy water?"

These comments of course are meant in jest and I take them in the spirit that they are meant. Indeed, even atheists tease me like this sometimes. But I think there is a seriousness that lies behind  these comments sometimes, because deep down some people are a little uneasy about knowing that there is an ungodly mingling with the godly, especially during worship. The unsaved 'black sheep' that could contaminate the pristine flock.

Much as the idea of me being struck down by lightning during mass may seem a ridiculous notion, I am sure that if anything 'out of the ordinary' happened on a Sunday morning  while I was there, people would make  connections. Suppose the large crucifix hanging from the roof suddenly gave way under its weight and fell to the floor, or someone in the choir feinted due to an asthmatic attack and had to be carried to hospital or a bird in need of defecating suddenly flew into the church and decided to 'bless' the altar.

I know there would be people in the church that would think that these were not be coincidences. The same mindset that leads them to make the joke about 'how come lightning didn't strike David'  would make them at least wonder if their God was sending them a message about having  'non believers' or opposers to the doctrine in church. Worse yet, they might wonder whether my presence had opened some portal from hell that Satan was now barrelling through.

I began to realize that given the public stand against religion  that I had taken, things would not be quite the same for me now if I walked into a 'House of God'. Now it would be more difficult to go into a church in Barbados and sit incognito at the back and hang out. Probably nobody would talk to me openly, but they would be watching, looking for signs. If I smiled or appeared to be enjoying any aspect of the service they would take that as evidence that I wasn't really the 'non believer' I purported to be on line. I was just a meek sheep in wolf's clothing. If I  rolled my eyes, shook my head or chuckled after hearing an absurd  line like ' Our father who lives in heaven' this would be  taken as gross disrespect for their faith. They would be wondering why I came to mass if I am not going to behave properly.  I felt that being at church would be truly a 'damned if I do, damned if I don't' proposition.

So, I took the decision to just not go. Not even to see old friends or have the experience of what it's like.  Honestly, I didn't really want to be there anyway. It has become harder and harder for me  to ignore all the harm that faith and 'non evidence based thinking' has inflicted and continues to inflict on our world. It's so easy to think when you live in a place like Barbados that you have a benign faith, but it is important to look beyond your cocoon. I get angry when people say they know when they know that they don't know. When they think that saying that they know will suddenly magically give them the knowledge that they seek.

So, I met with former colleagues from church in other places to the extent that I could. I had many conversations long into the night, both one and one and in groups. These interactions made me recognize that there is still a lot about atheism that is not understood. The strong level of religious indoctrination which transcends every aspect of culture makes the belief that everybody 'believes in something' widespread.

They believe that as an atheist your faith must be in Satan or Darwin or 'science' must be your religion. I have tried to explain on many occasions that atheism is not a belief in something but actually a response to theism. Saying ' I disagree' to the person that says ' There is a god'.

Still, it's hard for them to escape the widely held notion that everybody has a faith and their belief that we choose the one we want in the same way we choose which shirt we put on in the morning. It appears to be a huge challenge for people to get their head around the fact that when it comes to religion, it's quite acceptable to go out naked.

Through all the discussions I have had in Barbados,  I continue to hear that I am merely on a journey seeking and there are more than a few that are confident I will one day return to god. They implore me to keep thinking, but they don't realize that if they want me back that is the very thing they should discourage me from doing.

Nonetheless, I have to say that on the positive side there is a feeling in Barbados that everyone is open to follow the  life that they choose and they therefore have no right to be hostile to me about my atheism. Generally, they are prepared to respect me once I respect them. I am Ok with that but wish they were more prepared to engage me on the conflicting ideas rather than agreeing to disagree which so many of them prefer to do.

Atheists in Barbados

The situation for non believers in Barbados is improving albeit slowly. Atheists in the country are beginning to feel more comfortable identifying themselves as such and I was very encouraged to have 14 people attending the atheist meet up on the island while I was there. (See photo at the top of the page)

In addition to those pictured in the photo, I got quite a few messages of support from people who expressed their deep regret for not being able to be there that evening. These I see as encouraging signs for the movement there. I think we now have a core set of persons living in he island who can promote the virtues of reason in the public domain and provide an effective opposing voice to the bombardment of the various religious views that are heard everyday. I take the time here to make special mention of Brian Vaughn (Nairb Nhguav on Facebook). This week he has started the facebook group Agnostic, Atheists and Freethinkers of Barbados which I hope will build the community and let those in Barbados who have lost their faith or are having doubts recognise that they are not alone.

When speaking of changing attitudes to religion in Barbados, some of the atheists pointed to the outcry in the island over the visit of the controversial Pastor Benny Hinn. Lots of people went on their facebook pages and called him out as a fraud. They didn't think that Bajans would have been bold enough to do that even five years ago. That is at least a small sign that things are changing.

Then and now - Feelings of being an atheist

When I look back over my time as an atheist, I see significant changes that I have gone through. I think when you first become an atheist the feelings are a bit like when you first fall in love. There is a beautiful mixture of excitement and fear. You want to tell the world of your discovery but at the same time your heart patters with trepidation.

How will my family react? What will my Christian friends think of me now? Will they be angry? Will they pity me? Will they disown me? Will they breakdown in tears at the thought of going to an eternity in paradise while I writhe in unimaginable pain in the depths of hell?

At the beginning I had no idea what the various reactions would be and I had all sorts of imaginary conversations where many over reactions played out in my head. For that reason, a shock used to go through my spine in the early days whenever I mentioned the 'a' word and I would drop my voice with an almost apologetic tone when I said it.  I would say things like ' I identify as an atheist', or ' I consider myself an atheist' or 'I see myself as an atheist' because I could not bring myself to say what I really wanted to say which was ' I AM an atheist.'

Here I am four years later and the story is completely different. I am an atheist, fully out, unapologetically out and proudly out. I can say the phrase 'I am an atheist' without the slightest of unease.  It flows off my tongue as easily as 'I come from Barbados', ' I play saxophone' or ' I live in Calgary'. Atheist simply defines who I am.  At least one aspect, an important aspect. Whether I am correct or not is not really the point. Whether I got there through my own efforts or was convinced, coerced or co-opted by whoever or whatever is also irrelevant.

"He/she/ it/ they does/ do not exist."

That's my perspective on the god question, on all the gods I have heard defined or described in my life.  I can't change what I believe through will or desire. I never chose to be an atheist and I can't choose not to be an atheist. So the people in my life have to accept in and move on. It is what it is and I am what I am. So, you can say I have reached a state of peace as far as that is concerned.

Not always good without God but honesty much, much better in long run

While I was going through the initial pain of separation last year, I remember that there were atheists pushing a campaign of ' Atheists are good without god.' At the time I remember thinking that, this is probably not the message that we should be pushing. As atheists we can certainly go through all the depths that the believer can go through. Things can get bad and we can become 'bad' as a result. But what I would say is that whoever we are and wherever we are, we would not be better off with a belief in god.  Well, maybe we would be if god were real, but he's not. Belief in a god who isn't there doesn't help us in the long run. It may be a plaster for the sore for a while but it won't ultimately fix us up. I still maintain that the best way to deal with reality is to understand reality as well as we possibly can, then make decisions that appear to best fit with our situations. You'll be wrong sometimes, but when you are you'll learn and you'll get better.

I can say without doubt that I feel far more free having embraced my atheism five years ago, Being able to be intellectually honest has definitely released a major load from my shoulders which I think far outweighs any social fall out that I may now be experiencing. There were times over the last year where I wished I could benefit more from the many prayers and 'god' support that my Christian friends offered up. I thank them for remembering me and I truly appreciate their support, but I prefer to look to reason as my guide.  Holding on to the principle that honesty is still the best policy.

Honesty is indeed one of the main values my Christian upbringing taught me and it is this value that has ultimately led me to become an atheist.  It's a touch ironic of course but it has helped to remind me that even though I have turned my back on my religious belief, I have not thrown out the foundational beliefs that I learnt alongside religion as a child. In fact, if anything I hold to those values now more strongly.

Great to be back writing

Once again, I apologize for my extended absence from the blogging world. Thanks for those who have checked up on me in the interim, it has meant a lot.

Also happy to see the movement on the whole in the Caribbean getting stronger. It has been great to see the strides of the Jamaicans Hilaire Sobers and Clive Forrester and more recently Sharon Smith in developing the 'Yardie Skeptics' podcast and the supporting shows of ' Air Me Now' and 'Skeptically Speaking' as part of the Yardie Skeptics Network. It was with a significant measure of pride that I told atheists in Barbados about these wonderful programmes that are now available for freethinkers to be part of throughout the region. I also thank the team there for giving me a few opportunities during my 'absence' to take part in the discussions.

Of course I am still committed to getting back in the groove with 'Freethinking Island'. We returned earlier this year after the few months break and it was great to be behind the mic again as we welcomed Greta Christina and then Sharon Smith to the 'island.' Both giving us educational and entertaining interviews delivered in the forthright manner for which they are known,

We have been forced to take another break however. This time it's great news, as my cohost Joy recently gave birth. Exciting to have Mila  with us and heartiest congratulations to Joy and husband Neil!

The CSA remains dormant for the time being, but I will definitely be pushing more on that front in the months ahead. Recent developments and interest in Barbados has given me more encouragement to continue to drive forward on the regional front. The atheist meet-up in Barbados gave some impetus for the group in Dominica to convene the week after. This is the kind of transfer throughout the region that I love to see. If you are interested in working with us on the regional front let me know. Happy to have those extra hands on deck.

But above all my friends, I just feel great to be back in the blogosphere today. Months I have wanted to break my silence.  Endless weekends that I thought ' This is the one where caribatheist comes back." But it hasn't happened.  So,  today I am happy that once again I will be able to push the 'publish' button. There was much more I wanted to say in this blog ( although I know I said quite a bit) but I just let the secular spirit move me. As I get back into the writing I'll share much more about my life and adjusting to all the changing scenes that I have been through in leaving religion and relationship.

You all know that renewable energy is my business. In the cycle of energy, changes always occur. Energy is conserved, but not in the same form after a process as it was at the beginning. That is how I feel about myself today. My energy is there, I can feel the renewing after operating for a while with a battery that was well and truly drained. I don't know if I'll be the exactly the same though, as I prepare to go forward secularly once again. All I can tell you is that whatever happens I'll be there mixing it up on behalf of team 'reason'. It's what I love to do and I won't give it up for the world.

Freethinking Island at the BlackOut Secular Rally

I am still buzzing from the excitement of the weekend of July 27th in New York. Joy Holloway-d'Avilar and myself made the rounds for Freethinking Island at the BlackOut Secular Rally and interviewed attendees that entertained, enlightened and enthralled.

We podcast virtually (in both senses of the word) every week but it was a rare opportunity for Joy and I to be together in the same place. We didn't have this chance since being Sunday School students in the same class more than 20 years ago. We made the most of the opportunity to produce a LIVE show.

We had a lively exchange with Jamaican Laurie James who captivated us all with her fierce passion as an unapologetic 'militant' atheist. We also spoke to Hilaire Sobers, Seon Lewis, Jeremiah Camarah, Mandisa Thomas, Joe Dixon, Gary 'Gifted Anomaly' Gibson and many more.

I was honoured to be a part of this inaugural event and have an opportunity to speak about the development of the Caribbean Secular Alliance which was formed on the day following the BlackOut. It was also a privilege to be able to interview David Silverman the President of American Atheists and get his endorsement for our new secular group.

Highlights at this rally were many. Mandisa Thomas of Black Non Believers and Ayanna Watson of Black Atheists of America deserve lots of credit for hosting it. The numbers were not huge but it was a great start and the quality of what was said on the day certainly deserves as wide an audience as possible. So, share, share, share!

I'll be writing more soon about my thoughts on the weekend, particularly regarding the formation of the Caribbean Secular Alliance. I will also have some reflections from being in Barbados, the island of my birth and the place where I grew up. People in this overwhelmingly Christian society are still trying to come to terms with my loss of faith and my role as a secular activist after I was heavily involved in the church less than five years ago.

So lots to come, but in the meantime watch and enjoy the special episode above of 'Freethinking Island' LIVE from Flashing Meadow New York.

My Interview for 'Secular World': Where we are and where we can get to

Happy New Year to you all! At last I am emerging to rejoin the blogging world for 2013. Recent weeks have had me tied down finishing the writing of my doctoral thesis. Still, I managed to have an enjoyable holiday season and a peaceful Christmas Day, notwithstanding the Facebook debate I managed to get involved in.

Reason for the Season

Yes, even with a simple status update of 'Merry Christmas to one and all!' I found myself defending my reasons for celebrating a day which according to one friend was a day specifically meant for the celebration of the birth of OUR saviour Jesus Christ, who I don't believe in. I took the opportunity to remind her and all the rest of my facebook friends that everyone has a right to choose their own reason for the season. Hence the better phrase to use might be ' This is MY reason for the season' rather than 'This is THE reason for the season.' Interestingly, the status got quite a few 'likes' but all except one were people I knew were atheists, none was from a professed Christian. It does appear to me that as free as we may be in this world to have whatever beliefs we want, it's the theist not the non believer that is reluctant to share ideological real estate with the rest of the globe. Well, I suppose when your worldview is 'top down' you find it hard to understand how anybody can throw a party unless his or her Father gives permission.

Anyway it's been three atheist Christmases now and I am gradually finding my groove and it did  feel good, even on Christmas Day, to remind those in my online neighbourhood that non believers are here too. I firmly believe we must educate whenever we can and if that means taking a few minutes away from turkey to talk it's worth it. I later told someone that as an atheist you're always on duty.

Looking back and looking ahead

I sit here at the beginning of 2013 with lots of great things to look back on from 2012 as far as the Caribbean atheists and non believers are concerned. The Freethinking Island podcast and the Caribbean Freethinkers' Society website/blog  are two initiatives that I feel very happy about and honoured to continue to be a part of. There are other groups, forums and initiatives springing up all the time and West Indians who don't buy in to the God claims are speaking up more and more.

I had a great opportunity at the end of the year to talk about all of the things I have seen develop in this regional non believing community since I have been in it and where I would like to see us go. It was a privilege to speak to Han Hills on 'Secular World' (the Atheist Alliance International official podcast) as a representative of the Caribbean atheist community. You can hear that interview at the link below, Episode 008. Have a listen to the full show with Jake and Han, well worth it, lively holiday banter dealing with a variety of topics including 'end of the world,' Christmas and the Atheist Census. My interview comes in after about 51 minutes.  Enjoy!

My interview on Secular World Podcast

Thanks for your continued support and I look forward to sharing much more with you in the year ahead.

Whether you're a dot or not: Get on there and make sure you're counted!

The Atheist Alliance International is administering a census that seeks to get an idea of the number of non believers in the world. Who are we? Where are we? What are our backgrounds?  The survey looks at demographics such as age range, gender, level of education, former religion (if any) and the term you prefer to be known by (atheist, agnostic, humanist, freethinker etc.)

It's been a challenge since the census suffered from a denial of service (DoS) attack on the first day it went up. The survey is back online now and the response has been steady, up over 87,000 now. I find myself looking back there from time to time because there is a running tally of the overall responses and pie charts representing how the breakdown of responses to the various questions is so far. It's there both from a global level and a country by country level.

The results are already interesting, with by far the greatest number of responses coming from the US. Brazil is in second place, which is perhaps a bit of a surprise, ahead of UK, Australia and then Canada. We always knew that atheism was skewed towards the men, but so far we are seeing that the ratio is about 3:1, which is probably not where we would want it to be. But that's why statistical studies are so important, by knowing where we are, we can take some actions to get to where we want to get to.

I am especially interested in how the Caribbean is doing. In trying to get a movement going there, those numbers will be especially useful to us. Small populations will of course mean numbers will be comparatively low. It also means that most of our countries don't show up on the globe they have on the site that shows high response countries turning steadily from a brown to green. Well, I guess that's what you get from being born on a 'dot.' But these  'dots' do add up and it's a pity that the secular world will need to do special searches for our countries if they want to see our numbers piling up. Maybe one day we'll have to stand up and insist on more 'high def' maps for these things to combat the anti 'dot' discrimination we have to live with now. But that's way in the future, we all have to deal with 'anti atheist' attitudes long before then.

Barbados my home country, has so far had 11 responses, which is interestingly enough not that few. I see that countries in Africa with large populations like Nigeria, Ghana and Kenya are barely in double figures if that. Trinidad and Tobago has got 55 responses which is certainly noteworthy and probably represents one of the strongest country responses in the world on a per capita basis. Jamaica had 30   responses which is good also.

Still, as encouraging as these numbers may be, a census like this will only be as good as the number of people that take part in it. We have to try to get every non believer we can on board if the effort is to really tell us valuable information. Let's try to get as many people counted from our 'dots' as we can. At the same time, let us show the world that these little dots in the region can be huge masses of reason.

So big or small, get on there and take the Atheist Census!

Come join us on Freethinking Island!

Welcome to Freethinking Island! Where the prevailing winds of reason blow and the waves of evidence and logic flow!

Yes, last week was the first episode of "Freethinking Island" a podcast designed to bring the voice of Caribbean atheists, agnostics, humanists skeptics, freethinkers and whatever other species of non believer to the world. For a long time I have felt that notwithstanding the power that the written word can bring in highlighting our story in the islands, there is nothing more captivating than hearing the actual voices of those among us who have chosen to let go of God.

You can flip through any Christian based TV channel in the Caribbean and hear story after story of 'lost souls' who were 'set free' by Jesus and turned their lives around. Moving as these stories may be, for everyone of them, there are equally compelling accounts of people going in the other direction. Stories of individuals of all types, finding new purpose and drive in life after abandoning the faith that had previously held them in emotional and intellectual bondage. The problem is, nobody hears these stories.

At least until now.

'Freethinking Island' is seeking to change all that. In the last few years, I have come across many persons who have been 'set free' from religion, especially in the Caribbean. Now, on 'the island' you will get to hear these voices and realise that even in a part of the world where the rough seas of religion often mercilessly pound away at our shores; freethinkers with a different vision for what the islands could be are making their presence felt and taking a stand. I feel honoured to be now in a position that I can help them tell us of their experiences.

Helping me make this happen is Joy Holloway. She is the broadcast professional that has been guiding me through the ropes as a 'newbie.' I am learning fast that 'talk radio' is an entirely different challenge from writing blogs, but I am really relishing it. Joy is also very keen and  has a passion for reaching out to our people and getting Caribbean people to 'wake up' as she likes to put it.

Joy and I have a strange shared history in that we are not only both from the same island, Barbados, but  were in the same Sunday School class! We completely lost track of each other since then, only meeting up mere weeks ago through Facebook. Her journey has taken her since to New Jersey in the US and mine has led me to Calgary, Canada but we join forces now to promote the virtues of evidence, reason and critical thinking for the Caribbean. I hope that you will all join us on what promises to be  an exciting journey.

On 'the island' we also look forward to inviting  'tourists' from around the world. Leading voices that can bring an outside perspective and help to guide us as we start on this journey. At the same time we hope that our stories will enrich them and help them understand the challenges of  leaving faith for those of us that come from the region.

In the first episode we set out to give you a taste of what to expect in the weeks ahead and let you know who we are. I got into telling my own deconversion story and ended up going far deeper into things than I expected. I have to say it was cathartic and I was happy to get things out there in a way that I never had the opportunity to before. It means that I now have a one hour audio capsule that I can make available to anybody who wants to understand why, how, when or where I made the change.

Today I will leave that with you to listen to here. Having spoken to the public through written word for the last couple of years it was great to now be able to speak to listeners directly. I can only hope that others that join us on 'the island' will feel the same liberation as I did in sharing my story with the Caribbean and the world. Look out for Joy's story next time and make sure you keep tuning into 'the island' where the prevailing winds of reason blow!

Caribbean  Freethinkers' Society

This week has to go down as a memorable one for our secular movement in the Caribbean, because even as the podcast came online, there is now a new 'Caribbean Freethinkers' Society' blog/ website where the intention is to collate writings from many of the secular writers in our community in one place.  This will be another great resource and a 'one stop shop' for seeing what is going on in the region.

Great to see all this happening, I feel very proud to be part of a movement like this and I am grateful to all who have worked hard to make these initiatives happen. We have to rally around our West Indian freethinkers. We are by no means in the forefront of the world of non-believers yet, but at least we now have a team on the field and we are playing. We can only look to go from strength to strength.

Congratulations to our boys!: Beautiful Sunday morning mass with the West Indies cricket team

It was a glorious, glorious Sunday morning! A lift to my spirit that is difficult to describe. I tell you,  If there really was a heaven I would  have been in it. Yes,  I am proud of my team, the West Indies cricket team that on Sunday won the final of the T20 Cricket World Cup. For those of you not  familiar with the game, T20 stands for twenty 20, 20 overs a side. It's a shortened form of the game, developed to bring excitement, draw crowds out to the sport and please people who can't imagine sitting and watching a game for six hours of a day, to say nothing of the traditional five consecutive days that make up the conventional Test Matches. A T20 cricket match can be over in three hours, just a little bit longer than a football or soccer match.

The short length of the game and the concentration on entertainment as much as competition has led some purists to say that the game is not the real thing, notwithstanding that this is now the format of the game where you can make the millions of dollars. But whatever you think of the game, it was clear that this was a trophy that all the cricketing world were keen to get their hands on, and it is obvious that teams have now become focused on perfecting this new form of cricket, with all kinds of innovations  being used. So, for West Indies to come out on top after coming through tough first round, Super 8 and Semi final matches, and then win the final against Sri Lanka on their home ground with a roaring crowd behind them, was no small feat.

When I watched the celebrations at the end of the match on Sunday, I have to admit I was overcome. Try as I might, I just couldn't hold back the tears. Often those who prefer to spend Sundays in places with steeples, chapels, organs and wooden crosses, try to tell us who have abandoned such things, that we just don't know what it is to have a heart, to be moved by words, sermons and testimonies that are so central to their lives and who they are. I am convinced however, that the mass I had last  Sunday with the Windies was better than anything they could have got from the pulpit on that day. So, like a true evangelist I have to share the good news with those who weren't as fortunate as me. In case you think my service was one of those that was only about praising you are mistaken. Even as I joined in the mass of dancing and gyrating in the aisles with my boys in maroon, I made sure that the acts of these eleven West Indian apostles didn't make me miss the more important messages of the sermon.

A Bit of Old Testament History

Sir Garfield Sobers: Greatest of the greats

Before I get to the details of the sermon, a little Old Testament background is necessary to put the whole thing in context. For me West Indies cricket is something that runs deep in my blood.  From the time I was small, I was hearing the stories of  West Indies cricketing heroes. My father grew up in the Bayland in Barbados where many of the greats had their start. One of them Sir Garfield Sobers, widely acknowledged to be the greatest to ever play the game of cricket. I heard exploits of his feats as a boy and the talent even of his brothers George and Gerald. George in fact was married to one of my Aunts. A fact that I was always proud of, especially when I went to school in England for a while and told the boys at school that I was 'related' to the great Sir Gary.

West Indies with pace like fire

My Dad's interest in cricket meant that  from about six years old I was carried to watch games at Kensington Oval, the famous international cricket ground in Barbados. Long before I understood claims of God, Jesus and resurrection for sins, I had first hand experiences of gods on the cricket field. Viv Richards, Gordon Greenidge, Desmond Haynes,Michael Holding, Clive Lloyd, Joel Garner, Andy Roberts and Malcolm Marshall. These were the first deities I knew of. No human being in the world could stand up to these giants on the cricket field, no demon, however powerful could ever prevail against them.

Viv Richards - The Master Blaster

At that time it was the dream of every single boy to one day play for the West Indies. We would all have or time pretending to be one or the other of the 'greats' when we went out to play at lunch time. Unfortunately, most of us didn't go on to wear the maroon, although there was one a little bit younger than me who did. A quiet understated guy, who was somehow able even at eight years old, to bowl six balls in a row exactly on the same spot. His name was Ian Bradshaw and he would one day hit the winning runs to win a trophy for the West Indies in 2004. That was our last major win before the one on Sunday and that had also been a tear jerker to watch.

So, from early cricket meant a lot to me. But it was more than bat and ball to me then and it is more than bat and ball to me now. Even though I never got anywhere near the top in that sport I love, I took a lot from what I saw in my heroes as motivation. At the time, as a black boy coming from a tiny island like Barbados, it was hard to feel that you could be world class and compete with the best. But seeing guys who looked like me coming from the same small villages I walked through, dominating people from vast countries like England, Australia and India gave me a great deal of confidence. It really made me feel that if I put my mind to it and worked hard I could be up there with the world's best in whatever field I chose to pursue. There was no other context in which I saw outstanding Caribbean performance on display and I often wonder where I would have gotten the idea I could truly make it to the top, if they hadn't been these guys to look up to then.

I grew up with the West Indies by my side, almost literally. Many nights when we were playing in Australia, I went to sleep with them under my pillow as I tucked away my favourite 'Tony the Tiger' transistor radio. That radio would be playing the voice of another Tony, Tony Cozier giving the commentary as we we batted merrily through the night. When we were playing in England, matches would start about 6:00 am Caribbean time, and when I got out of bed I had to turn on the radio to make sure we hadn't lost any early wickets before I could even think about having my breakfast.

Yes, those were the lovely days of yore. It was all brilliant until one morning after one Australia Test match,  I heard the words ' West Indies lost.' West Indies lost??? How was something like that even possible? I was 14 years old and this was the first time I had an experience of West Indies losing a Test Match. It was if my worldview had collapsed overnight. Like if you woke up and realised that the laws of gravity no longer applied.  Thankfully, at that time, it was just a blip on the radar, something to show me that my heroes were less than perfect. Still gods, but maybe not quite as invincible as I once thought.

Drought after the days of plenty

Ten years later we lost again, but things were different this time. It became very clear that this was no one off thing. We were definitely going into decline and it was rapid. In the blink of an eye, we went from heroes to zeros. Losses followed losses with as much regularity as the wins had piled up fifteen years earlier. All over the Caribbean people argued about who was to blame. Was it the players attitude? Competition from other sports? Bad management by the Board? Insularity of certain countries? Fingers were pointed all over the spectrum and the results just kept getting worse and worse.

It is not to say that in this period everything was bad in our  game. We produced the great Brian Lara, a batsman just as much of a master with the bat as any in that glory era, but it was as if he had escaped from a time machine, because there just wasn't the talent around in his day to match him. At times, he himself was blamed for the decline in our game which was ironic, but at least losing as we were, we could still lay claim to having one of the games brightest stars.

Brian Lara: The great that often stood alone

When his career came to an end and we were still losing, the future began to look even bleaker. We were at the bottom of the ladder without a star who could even shine occasionally for us. We did have a very industrious whole hearted player in the form of Shivnarine Chanderpaul who could be counted on to save us from indignity, but he lacked that flair and star quality of a Lara. Behind him the cupboard seemed bare and it was not unreasonable to think that once Chanderpaul was gone, the decline in West Indies cricket would be terminal. There were times indeed when we even wondered whether the entity 'West Indies' would survive. After all the West Indies is not a country, and the only institution other than cricket that bears its name is the UWI, University of the West Indies.

The Offering we couldn't resist: The Temptation of Stanford and the Indian Premier League

Alan Stanford: Turned out to be not the real thing

The downward spiral continued and the pain especially for the fans who had lived through the glory years was palpable. It is often said in the Caribbean that cricket is like a religion, that may be true, but people were starting to lose faith and few new converts were coming through. A struggling religion is a bit like a struggling business. When things get a bit tough people look towards trying to get money in. In business this is done through looking at the bottom line in religion it is all about the collection plate, how to get more offering coming in on Sunday morning. The first man to come a calling with promises of adding to that plate was a Texas billionaire by the name of Alan Stanford, but it soon became clear that he was not the Good Samaritan he was touted as, he was indeed a fraud from abroad. Whether you could say he was like the Anti- Christ, I don't know, but the West Indies Cricket Board and many of the players in the region definitely ended up with a false profit.

Not to worry, money soon came a calling again, it came from the only other part of the world where I am told cricket is also the national religion. That country is of course India. Yes, India had developed the Indian Premier League (IPL), cash was floating around and the owners of big Indian TV franchises were like the glitzy American tele evangelists, tempting our cricketers with lucrative offers. Their sales pitch was like a prosperity gospel and many of our players eagerly signed up. It was indeed an offering that even after the sting of Stanford, they just couldn't refuse.

The IPL was to be the short T20 version of cricket. Well suited to some of our younger players who seemed to have lost the appetite for concentrating over the long periods necessary in the traditional game. The guys who were happy to give a thrill a minute to DJs in the Party Stands before going back to the pavilion and enjoying a bit of merriment themselves. In a way you couldn't blame the impressionable youth to be lured by these smooth talking evangelists in the IPL. With the West Indies team not performing, these players had more to gain from seeking individual fame and glory than by sitting on a sinking Caribbean ship. In India they would be sold to the highest bidder for their pieces of silver and in so doing they would make themselves less available to play for the Caribbean side. Try as they might, the Board could do nothing to stop the exodus of the few top class players we had left in the region and weak became weaker.

Chris Gayle: West Indian star in the IPL

Not only did the team decline but great rifts between players and Board emerged. Acrimonious relationships ensued over the players decision to put loyalty to Indian Franchises above the West Indies. The public at large had their say as well and all kinds of dirty linen was hung out.  In the most recent melee, the main protagonist was Chris Gayle. A hard hitting Jamaican batsman that was in the shorter game threatening to become the kind of star that Viv Richards and Brian Lara had been in the longer game before him. Just maybe someone like Gayle, could help save our game. But no, the rifts between him and the Board became greater and greater. Eventually the Board decided not to make him eligible for selection on any West Indies team and he went on his way plying his trade as a freelance cricketer. It seemed at that time that Gayle was unlikely to play for West Indies again.

Others followed Gayle to the lure of the IPL and from all reports were successful. Gayle stood out in the tournament along with a few other West Indians, including a young emerging slow bowler, Sunil Narine. Meanwhile our West Indies team continued to struggle. I used to hear my Indian friends telling me how much they loved our players over there, they spoke of the great innings they were playing and the outstanding bowling performances they were putting in, but I just couldn't watch it. Why couldn't these guys be doing these things for us? Why should Kolkata, Mumbai, Decca and Bangalore be prospering on our talent, while we languish?

So now we come up to the present. Thankfully, things seemed to get a little better before this tournament, as there was some mending of fences and it appeared that we would have all of our big players available. It was a surprise to me when some commentators even installed us as being among the favourites. We blew a bit hot and cold in the tournament but we made it to the final. A final which as I said at the outset was to produce a powerful sermon with some great testimonies.

The Sermon: Preaching from the book of 1st and 2nd Samuels

Like all good sermons, the one last Sunday built on the readings from the past and applied them to present day. The poignant message was taken from the books of 1st and 2nd Samuels, no not the one in the biblical Old Testament, this is the modern day West Indian version. The story of Marlon.

Marlon Samuels: Subject of the sermon and star of the show

1st Samuels

The Book of 1st Samuels does not read well. It is a true testimony of tribulation. I remember watching this 1st Samuels on television scoring 100 runs as a youngster barely over 20, in a One Day match in India. Never had I witnessed more consistent clean hitting, even from the greats I saw in our glory days. It looked like he had what it took to be a cricketing saviour. But Marlon faded badly, disappointing time and time again after that. He walked on to the field to play as if he didn't care and wished he was somewhere else. Talent he had, but he never seemed to accept it and make the effort. He was truly like the Prodigal Son. But things got even worse for this 1st Samuels, he was caught giving advice to an Indian involved in betting and match fixing and was subsequently banned from playing all cricket for two years. He also had further indignity by being suspended from bowling because his action was considered illegal by the International Cricket Council.

When all this happened we thought that was the last chapter and verse as far as Samuels was  concerned. Here was a man that couldn't even make good when everything was in his favour, to think that he could ever get close to a West Indies team after two years out of the game was a joke.

2nd Samuels

Last year after the period of the ban was over, we heard for the first time, the word from 2nd Samuels. He was back, he told us ready to go again, he had been practising for the last two years. Samuels practicing on his own to get back to where he left off and then go further? No, not the Samuels we knew. But they were some early suggestions that this 2nd coming of Samuels might be different. He started to score runs with regularity for Jamaica, he really seemed to want to atone for previous transgressions. He was even to be seen admonishing himself if he got out as a result of playing an injudicious shot. This was something we never ever saw in 1st Samuels.

When I was in Barbados last year I went to a match against Pakistan, where I saw this 2nd Samuels myself. He did not score heavily, but he did appear to be more focused, watching the ball carefully, picking the right balls to hit. Still there was none of that clean hitting I saw of him when he first came on the scene and though I thought he could probably hold a place on the team, I didn't see him doing much more than that. Now we know that there was a lot more to be written in that Book of 2nd Samuels. In 2012, he just has not stopped scoring runs. In spite of his success he has never got carried away or suggested any bravado or don't carishness he showed in his earlier Book. He has just told us over and over again that he wants to keep playing and practising hard because he knows he has two years of runs put down that he has to make up for. It really did appear that this Samuels was a changed man.

The question was, did he have what it took for the big occasion? The answer over the last few weeks was a resounding YES. With bat and ball he has been the captain's 'go to ' man and he has delivered every time. None moreso than on Sunday. We made the worse possible start we could in the match. We lost Gayle or star batsman very early and the other batsmen just couldn't get any runs. It was clear we would be left with a paltry score and Sri Lanka would walk to victory. The crowd was roaring and the Sri Lanka party was about to rev up, but out strode 2nd Samuels to make sure that there were more verses to come. He started hitting clean and hard as he had that time when I saw him first on television. The ball disappeared over and over into the night sky and suddenly West Indies were back in the game. No one else in our team could get going on the day, but Marlon Samuels stood up to this stiffest of tests. Even if we were still to lose, he made sure we had a fighting score. And fighting is what we did after that, with everyone involved. Marlon once again was in the forefront with the ball and as they say the rest is history. 2nd Samuels had delivered and all I could say was "Amen!"

If you ever wanted a story, a testimony a parable of redemption, there it was. Not in a myth or a 'Holy Book' from ancient times, but in the story of a real flesh and blood human being living in our own time. Not a person with any special divine powers, not a 'chosen one.' Just an ordinary person, determined to turn his life around after many years of hardship. Finally the Prodigal Son had returned home and the whole village was ready to throw a party in his honour.

Marlon's story reminds us of much; that we can always come back strong and we shouldn't give up, that we mustn't be quick to write off people because of earlier transgressions. It illustrates to all that we can make a horrible circumstance work dramatically in our favour. It's not to say that now Samuels is the saviour of the West Indies. We don't know what the future will hold and they may be a 3rd Book of  Samuels that doesn't quite deliver the goods.  I hope for all our sakes that there are no other installments of  Samuels and that things follow on like the Bible, because after Samuels comes Kings in that 'Holy Book' and no one in the Caribbean, not even the ones most staunchly in favour of a republic, would begrudge us having a period of West Indies cricket monarchy right now.

Further inspiration in the Book of Sams

Darren Sammy: Captain that landed the big prize

If the Samuels story wasn't enough for the morning, there was further inspiration from the Sams. When I used to go to church, I always tried to draw a lesson from the verses of the Psalms and this morning the Sams kept coming up as well. There was another Samuel from Trinidad whose bowling kept us in the match, but the other stand out Sam, was Sammy. Darren Sammy the St.Lucian captain of the West Indies team.

Again I need to give some back story on Darren. When I think of him, I remember a St. Lucian lady that I worked with in Barbados that was probably the biggest fan of the West Indies team that I have ever met. During the time I worked with her, win, lose or draw she always stuck with them, referring to them consistently as ' My boys.' It was interesting for me at the time, because her home country St. Lucia of which she was intensely proud, had never produced a single West Indies player in their history. She never had the privilege of watching anyone from her country put on the maroon but she held the West Indies team as close to her heart as a family member. Many of us would moan about who was in or not in the team, but for her it didn't matter. Once they were West Indians playing she was 100% behind them.

I used to encourage her by telling her that one day she would be able to cheer for one of her own too, a St.Lucian out there on the field. At that time none seemed that close to the mark, but she always used to say that there's this boy Darren Sammy who came from her village. "He is a very good cricketer, one day Sammy will make it." she would often say. By 'make it' she meant, play for the West Indies, maybe one match sometime, somewhere.

On Sunday there was that Darren Sammy I had heard about all those years ago. Not just wearing the maroon, but as the captain, yes the CAPTAIN of the West Indies team. And not just any captain either, he was the one holding the WORLD CUP aloft. I thought about how my former workmate must have felt at that moment. I just couldn't even begin to imagine the pride that must have been inside her. As I watched the proceedings, I realised that I in a way had come to the position that she was once in. For as many great cricketers as Barbados has produced over its illustrious history, not one was part of the eleven that played in the match to win the Cup on Sunday. Yet, it didn't matter one iota, these were still 'My boys,' just as I had learnt from my St. Lucian friend back then, this team is our team no matter what.

Just like Marlon Samuels, it's not been an easy road for Darren Sammy. Sammy himself would be the first to admit that he is not the world's greatest cricketer. He took over the captaincy at a difficult time and many have argued he shouldn't be playing because they don't think that he is  good enough to make the eleven. That is debatable, but what Sammy lacks in talent he makes up for in heart and effort. Like the office mate I had in Barbados years ago, he seems to really believe in the West Indies and playing for 'the crest' as he puts it. Whatever his personal abilities and failings may be, he has managed to take the team and make it gel, putting the mission of 'one team, one people, one goal'  in the forefront. His success is definitely a reminder that one needn't be the biggest star or come from the biggest island to achieve greatness.

I remember being in St. Lucia three years ago watching a match when Sammy was not playing, much to the dismay of many St. Lucians at the ground who felt he had been unfairly left out. Darren walked among the ground while the match was going on to tell those there that it was OK. He didn't fuel the crowd by expressing disappointment, he said he recognised his own faults and that he would go away and work harder on his game, so that he could make the team next time. Of course I don't know Darren Sammy personally, but this was an early impression that I got of him that made me believe he was a  decent man. I am delighted that his diligence has paid off in such an amazing way. So, there ended the morning's lesson, at least for the most part. You can't finish a service without the Benediction and there was plenty of that going around.  "Thanks to the Almighty," was the repeated phrase. I guess the "Almighty" could be any kind of God you wanted it to be.

Interviews are always 'must see TV' after games like these. During his interview, Sammy was asked about how he handled criticism over the years. He responded by talking about Jesus and how he was crucified even though he didn't do anything wrong, so who is he Darren Sammy, to bother about the critics. It made me laugh because I knew that Christians hearing that would be caught in two minds. On the one hand, they would have been glad to hear reference to Jesus, they Lord and Saviour at such a public moment before all the world. On the other hand, they would be somewhat perturbed by the fact that  Sammy was comparing himself with that Jesus. That would seem like blasphemy to many.  Thankfully, blasphemy doesn't regularly lead to violence in our part of the world, so all was well. Still, I am sure the dissonance of the listening believers would have had them in a bit of a bind.

Not withstanding the God references, I was proud of how the guys spoke at the end of the game. Excited as they were with winning, they made no bones about the fact that they know that this is only the beginning of what is still likely going to be a very long journey back for West Indies cricket. On Sunday I rededicated myself to sticking with them in that journey, long and hard as it may be.

Of course the next thing up was the song service, with the music and dancing. A combination of cultures with the new West Indian version of Gangnam style led by worship leader Chris Gayle! If you have any questions about whether Chris Gayle is the 'annointed one' you can hear that he is in the clip below, straight from the mouth of the Bishop on commentary. Gayle prophesied before the game and it was a prophecy that came to pass.





The scenes shown here are something to watch and there was even more revelry to come later. International commentators and sports lovers the world over keep commenting that they love the way we celebrate and the joy we bring to what we do. It is this kind of unrestrained exuberance that they respond to. Whether it's the cricketers as we are seeing here, or Usain Bolt and Yohan Blake in the Olympics. It's great to know that in an age where war and conflicts seem to dominate world news, that we can at least lead the way in making the world smile. It is a trait in the Caribbean that is not by any means limited to sportsmen. It's just the way we do things. In North America  and Europe there is often emphasis on curbing natural instincts so as not to upset anyone present who may not approve. In the Caribbean, it's about self expression and letting your true self show to all the world. Showing that true self includes expressing our religion and beliefs as can be seen here. Some may be surprised to hear me say this, but I have no problem with it. If they are convinced that the Lord has guided them or that a lucky yellow band around the Samuels' neck did the trick it's all well and good.

If only we could dance to atheism too

My only wish is that one day we with different beliefs will also be able to join the party. It would be great if one day Caribbean atheists will also be able to express themselves, openly proclaiming their faith in reason to the world. As Caribbean people it's not in our nature to have to live and hide who we are, to not be able to evangelise about things near and dear to our hearts. I look forward to the day when we can all dance together regardless and proclaim the 'Word of truth' whatever we may think that truth to be. It is unfortunate that as things stand, anytime we say anything against religion it is deemed to be a 'no ball.' Then Christians get a ' free hit' where they are allowed to dispatch our arguments anywhere they please, often going way beyond the boundaries of logic. They can swing at us with maximum force knowing that under the rules that they have established, they can never be caught out.

Well, that little caveat was just but one moment of sober reflection, in the midst of the jumping with pride. It may sound strange, but in a way I enjoy the victories now even more than when I was a kid. These days I no longer see the gods I once saw wearing West Indies colours. I see flawed men trying their best to put together their talents to make us feel a sense of pride. Sometimes they will make us deliriously happy other times they will flop and leave us in deep disappointment, but that's all part of the game.

Even though the parties are no doubt still going on from Jamaica right down to Guyana, I am not convinced that every West Indian has got out of their chair to cheer along with the 'Gangnam Style' beat. For many, I think it is that they have been disappointed too many times. Too many false dawns. Many West Indians will gladly show of their allegiance to Chelsea, Manchester United or Arsenal, the Miami Heat, the New York Nicks or the Chicago Bulls. But when it comes to their own West Indies they want to hold themselves back. I remember wearing my West Indies shirt to an exhibition when the West Indies team was struggling. I was told rather publicly by a man in attendance that I should be ashamed to wear it. That was a comment that hurt.

We have to do better as Caribbean people, supporting a team, means being there through it all, through thick and thin. That's why I loved the way that Sammy ended on Sunday by thanking Peter Matthews who has traveled the world supporting the West Indies. His unmistakable tall maroon hat has been spotted all over the globe. As Sammy said, he has been there  ' through rain and sun.' I wish more West Indians would follow suit. I can sense even now, that some from the islands are waiting in the wings for things to go sour again, to say, " I told you so!"

We know that the rains in West Indies will come again, and that our day in the sun will not last forever. Being a winner just like life itself is transient. Neither will be here for eternity, and that makes both of them precious moments to be cherished. As I know after four years here in Canada, you don't shut up yourself in the house in the summer just because you know that winter's coming. So, I am certainly going to take the time now to bask in the Caribbean sun whether or not it's another false dawn or the start of a brand new day.

Recessional Hymn

Well friends, that's it. Great service from the West Indies on Sunday. Please stand now for the Recessional Hymn, Number 137, "Rally Round the West Indies!"