Messages of faith for Birthday week

No, the attempts to woo me back to Jesus have simply not let up. While the lady that I went to church with a few weeks ago continues to do all she can to make sure my first visit is not my last, I have had new measures aimed at restoring my faith, coming from back home in Barbados.

I celebrated my birthday last week and was thankful to receive many messages of good will. However, two messages in particular demanded my attention. The first was from a close friend from childhood. We were born just two weeks apart and many of our friends used to say back then that we looked very much alike. Because we also spent a lot of time together around church, music and other social circles, people tended to assume that we were brothers. The belief became so widespread that we started to see ourselves in that way, and eventually we came to refer to each other as  'brothers.' This 'brother' of mine was actually Best Man at my wedding. I will never forget that because he said on that day, that one thing my wife could always be sure of is that with me, she would always have a committed Christian by her side. I have often wondered if ever a more ironic statement has been made in a wedding speech.

Well, my friend and I have remained close over the years in spite of the fact that we have both spent considerable time out of Barbados, the country where we both grew up. This time that we have spent out of the country, in addition to the fact that my friend is a leading professional in his field and always in demand and busy,  has meant that although I have seen him on the last two visits I have made to Barbados,  we have not had the chance to sit down for an extensive discussion. In other words, we have not had THAT religious talk. Another important point, is that this friend is not on Facebook. Facebook is the main medium through which I have revealed my non belief to the wider world. He is not part of that network and therefore has missed out on this news story.

In spite of our lack of time interacting in recent years, one time of the year that we always make contact is on each others birthdays, this year was no exception. However, the text that he sent me this year made me sit up and take notice. Here is what it said:

"A beautiful, holy and God filled birthday to you. May God grant you many many more birthdays."

Wait a minute. What was this? I am still caught in two minds about what happened here. At first glance it seems obvious. He is laying on the God thing just a bit too thick. Clearly someone has told him of my atheism and this is just his way of testing the waters. Either pushing me with a stick of provocation to see if he gets a resistance reflex or putting that stick there with words for me to grab hold of, hoping he can eventually pull me out of the abyss.

But truth is I am just not sure. I think it may just be his way of wishing me birthday greetings with sincerity. I have to add that he was always a bit more into religion than I was anyway. If he had sent me a message like this even three years ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about it. I may have thought to myself that he seems rather 'godly' this year, but it would have ended there. It made me realise how much I had changed. I have moved so far from religion now and spoken so much in its opposition, that any mention of the 'G' word just resonates in my head. It's like an alarm that goes off or a red flag that goes up. Quite often in everyday discussions with believers who are very aware of my atheism, God will be mentioned by them in passing.

' I hope to God this' or 'Thank God for that,' ' God help me with this' ' The Lord knows what's best' 'God don't sleep' and many more.  I smile to myself when these phrases come up. The believer carries on with whatever he or she is saying without missing a beat. I know that if I stopped them to point out their use of a superstitious referent that I don't subscribe to, they would be completely oblivious that they had called on God. If they were aware, I am sure they would have stopped and smiled, teased me a little or at least made a note of my non belief. Indeed, there have been times when I have expressed to people in no uncertain terms about the difficulties of being an atheist, the isolation I sometimes feel, or the anger I feel when people try to make judgements about my morality or intelligence because I don't believe. The person I would be talking to, would nod and empathize and say that they understand and agree, then attempt to give me support with a reassuring , 'God is good.'

I know it sounds like something from a sitcom, but the theist makes the statement in these situations out of sincerity. It's not something said in irony or to piss me off, it's actually said in love. Because that's how it is when 'theish' is your native language. 'God is good' in that context is a statement meaning to say I feel your pain and wish you much better. So I wondered if it was just my God sensitivity at work when reading my friend's text. Maybe it was just a nice little note my friend was giving me in his own 'theish' way. Assuming of course that he was talking to David the committed Christian, the one who he knew, the one who existed as recently as 2006.

I know I have gone through a transformation. I have a 'God-dar ' now. It's a kind of antenna that I am sure must have some commercial application which I can put to use some day. I have this ability whereby I can have a conversation on the most mundane subject with a theist and at the end of it I can tell them how many times they said the word 'God' and what was the context in which it was used. Not that I actually do that, of course. However, I know people who pay quite a bit for software that is able to do word frequency analyses like that. Try to top that, Google!

Well, whether it was a proclamation of my friend's faith or a provocation due to my lack of faith, one thing is for sure. I have to respond by telling him something now and I will.

The Auntie Fundamentalist 

My friend's short text was not the only one that caught my attention on my birthday week. A few days earlier I had received a letter from my aunt. This aunt is no ordinary auntie, by the way. She is one I can only classify as a super fundamentalist. From the time I was a small child this was clear to me in every visit we ever made to her home. There were bible verses on the walls, the bible itself was always on hand as a reference and conversations never wondered far away from God and the spiritual. It seemed every time we visited her, that she was either just about to get ready for church or had just got back. She asked me several times on visits even before I was ten, whether I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and saviour. Back then I hoped that telling her that I go to Sunday School regularly would be good enough.  From her facial expressions, I don't think that it was.

In my childhood, her strong emphasis on faith made her not the most fun Auntie to be around. Birthday parties, movies and sporting events were definitely not part of her repertoire. In adulthood, I had come to know this Auntie better and appreciated having a relationship with her more. Of course she would still bring up the subject of faith from time to time, but I generally didn't engage her in this area. This was especially so when I came to the period of my life where I was beginning to have doubts. I just knew there would be no way I could talk to her about such things. I remember just before I left to live in Canada she told me that she hoped I would be able to balance the spiritual, with the intellectual. It was as if she sensed danger on the horizon.  I agreed to keep that idea in mind, even though I knew by then that my faith was extremely close to slipping right of the scale.

When I reached that point where I had recognised that I was indeed an atheist and was contemplating if, when and how I would tell others of my change, I thought of my Auntie regularly. I just couldn't imagine telling her, it would break her heart. I knew it would.  In fact, at one point I just vowed that I won't tell her. I would just smile and play along with her God talk and just be atheist when I was outside of her four walls.

I remember receiving a phone call from Auntie on December 31st, 2009.  This date sticks in my mind because I made a New Year's Resolution that I would start making my atheism public in 2010. It is amazing to reflect on it now, but at the end of 2009, my wife was the only other human being that knew I was an atheist. On that last day of the year, Auntie called and we wished each other a Happy New Year and she spoke about how the weather had been in Barbados, that it had been very strange and that the waves had been extremely rough, even on the usually placid west coast. I told her that I thought it was clear that there were significant changes in climate patterns all over the world and that we had to get serious about studying the phenomenon and put our minds together to find ways to effectively deal with some of these impacts. I got a response from my auntie, that stopped me in my tracks. " No!" she said. "There is no way that any human being can do anything to solve these problems. Our only option is to call upon God. The answer to these problems has to come from the supernatural!"

I tried to argue that I didn't think we could just pray the angry waves away, but I knew my Auntie would have none of it. I also knew at that moment that I had to stick to my New Year's resolution. This was exactly the reason why I thought that religion was a foe rather than a friend. Much of my work and research is aimed at promoting the development of renewable energy technology. A large reason for doing this, is to reduce the climate change impacts relating to burning fossil fuels. When people like my Auntie, tell me that ' there is nothing human beings can do about these problems' they are effectively telling me that all my work is for nought. Better just sit back and do nothing. I thought of how much her words sounded like a slap in the face of the scientist. Declaring my atheism starting the following day, would be my way of sending out an SOS. I just simply had to save our science.

I am happy to say that was one New Year's resolution I stuck to. Probably the only one ever. From the next day I started to make the movement 'out of the closet.' A journey that of course continues to this very day. Since our New Year's Eve talk three years ago, the interactions between my Auntie and I have been brief "hellos" over the internet and a solitary visit to catch up with her when I was home in Barbados last year, but not much in the way of discussion. Then earlier this year I got a friend request from my aunt on Facebook. That made me sit up and take notice. For one, she is not the person that I would easily associate with technology and social networking, but more than that, I knew that I could be in for a difficult ride. Once I accepted her request and she clicked on my wall, my atheism would be revealed.

I thought a bit, and then considered I could handle whatever came and basically waited for the other shoe to drop. Months I waited and nothing, but I also saw that she wasn't ever posting or commenting and concluded that she was one of these people who signed up for the service but didn't really use it.

Then I got the email for my birthday. I have posted it below. You may wonder whether I have done some editing because after the subject heading of 'birthday blessings' the word birthday, never actually appears in the email. No, it's not an edit, that's just the way I got it. I can only surmise that the atheistic shock after finally visiting my wall, blasted the birthday thoughts straight out of the brain. Anyway, I am still glad she took the time to write me and share her concerns.

The only part I haven't included here is the link she sent me. She went to youtube  and put in a search for 'testimonies of atheist conversions,' copied the link of the page showing the search results and put it at the beginning of the email. I watched a few of the videos there and soon I found myself laughing. Of the first four search results, two were by atheists giving an idea of what it would take to convert them to Christianity and saying why the religion has fallen so woefully short of meeting this mark. There were arguments that could not have explained my present position regarding faith any better. The next video was this hilarious parody shown below, where an atheist, ironically named David, talks of his 'conversion' to Christianity. He talks about how he traded in his thinking for belief in the bible and now he has all the answers he needs, including the knowledge that slavery is OK.

I was in stitches when I watched this video, the irony in the fact that my Christian Auntie had inadvertently sent me videos that were anti Christian was thick. But after I got over the comedy of the whole thing, I had to accept that this was typical of a Christian fundamentalist's reaction when finding herself in a situation where someone's soul was at risk. It was quite clear that my Auntie had not watched any of these videos before she pressed 'send.' This was not any systematic argument being built to convince me to come back, this was just her pelting widely at the dartboard hoping that something, ANYTHING would stick.

" See these atheists in this video, they came to Christ, so can you!" That was the simple message.

This is not a new approach by people trying to reach us that are atheists. It is how they operate, but they just don't get that this is not what will work with us. They always think that if we could just hear one more testimony, we would be right back inside the house of the Lord, but they really don't understand. We don't make decisions on what is true based on that which makes our heart bleed or moves us to tears. Indeed, when we find ourselves emotionally reacting to something, that that's when we become more skeptical of the message of 'truth' that is wrapped inside, I have said it many times that truth is truth no matter what we think about it. Emotional pleas just don't cut it.

Well, no matter how many times I said it before, I had to put my head down and prepare to bring the message one more time. This time specially for my Auntie. Some of you may be surprised to hear that I thought long and hard before crafting the reply. After all, I have quite a bit of experience now in dealing with fundamentalists, I also have gone through the experience of discussing my deconversion from faith with close family members. However, this was the first time I was dealing with both individuals within the same person.

Talk to family members who are not quite bible thumpers and you know that in spite of their shock you can get at least a modicum of empathy from them by knowing that they have their doubts as well. When you deal with a fundamentalist that is not your relative, at least you can take heart from the fact that even if they fear for your soul, they will breathe easier that it is not their family in the fire.

With fundamentalist and family mixed together, you have to be able to handle the situation with double the care. Hopefully I was able to do that. In my email, I tried to emphasize that I wanted to build on the good relationship I have with my Auntie but at the same time made it clear that I was comfortable with the decision I had made and was happy with no regrets.

I have posted both her email and my reply so you can tell me how you think I did. So far I have not got a reply back from her, but I now know from experience that one has to have patience when it comes to these faith and family matters.


Subject: Birthday Blessings

Hi David,

Truth, David, I do not know what it is not to believe in God. I don't even want to know. He is too good to me.; He is very real to me; He is my best friend.  He has "rescued" me time and again.

I know my story- I may have been insane if He was not there for me and saved me.  I owe my life to Him.

 I thought it best to let some of those who have walked the path you have now chosen speak to you.

Above is a whole web page for you.  Listen to the converted atheists.   L-I-S-T-E-N!!

I love you,

Auntie

P.S---  "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. "  I agree.  This is true.

Re: Birthday Blessings

Hi Auntie!

Great hearing from you and thanks for your greetings and birthday blessings. I enjoyed the day.

I recognize and understand the concern that you expressed in your email. Admitting to myself and others around me that I no longer believed in God was not an easy thing for me to do and I gave it considerable thought before telling others about it.

One of the main reasons why I thought so long and hard about speaking out, is because of persons such as yourself. Indeed, you were often in my thoughts as I went through this transition. I know that for you, faith is the centre of your being and as you said in your email, you couldn't imagine and don't even what to imagine a life without it. I figured that  knowing that  a close family member like me had openly declared that he no longer follows this faith, would likely cause you some distress. However, at the end of the day I felt that it was more important that I be honest and express who I really am and what I really feel, rather than what I thought others would like that I feel. So, I hope that you will understand and accept this, even though I am not expecting that you will ever see things my way.

Amazing as it may seem to you, I have actually found a level of joy and 'new life' in becoming an atheist and have found a great deal of fulfilment in encouraging people to challenge and critically assess the beliefs that they hold. Not specifically in order to prove or disprove the existence of a God, but to get a better understanding of reality, whatever that reality may turn out to be. I think that a better understanding of reality will lead to better decision making by people and we will all benefit in the long run. I believe that if God is part of reality, applying reason and critical thinking to that which we experience within this reality, will eventually point us in the direction of him, her or it. 

One of the main ways in which I have tried to reach out to others, is through a blog that I have been posting articles to over the last two years. The link is below you can check it out if you want to.

http://www.caribatheist.blogspot.ca

I appreciate that you sent me some links to videos that you want me to see. I have watched a few of them.  All of the perspectives presented there are ones which I considered before I came to my position and some of them are actually produced by atheists who are expressing a view similar to that which I now hold. 

Auntie, I respect that you have always believed in God and see him as working daily in your life and I have no intention or desire to take from you that which you hold dear. Likewise, I hope that you will understand that I also have principles which I hold dear. I no longer hold to faith as one of those principles, but I am as committed as I ever was in trying to live a life based on honesty, treating others as I would like to be treated and being tolerant of persons who may have opinions and perspectives different from my own. 

The way I see it, that means we have far more that unites us than separates us. I love you as much as a friend as I do as  an auntie and I hope with all my heart that the fact that we have a difference in what we consider reality to be will never change that.

Best Regards,

David

The atheist's fight for survival: Can't let them define us out of existence

I can't believe that 'A' week has come back around so quickly. It seems like just the other day that I was tentatively putting my little 'A' on my facebook profile to tell the world that I no longer believe. There were many other events that went along with that which you can read about here. One year later and things have changed quite a bit. Definitely, I am more settled in my own skin but there are still times where there are remnants of guilt that I feel for speaking up against a worldview I once readily embraced. However, with every passing day things get easier.

I have to say that as much as I had anxiety when I made the decision to 'out' myself last year, I have never for one moment regretted it. I had put myself out in the open having heard many different stories of difficulties, particularly with close friends and family members. I braced myself for what I imagined would have been an onslaught of emails, messages and phone calls from friends, families and acquaintances of people expressing shock, horror, disappointment or dismay. I had practiced in front of the mirror, how I would react to the different types of responses, what I would say and how I would say it. Incredibly, no such responses ever came. No one telling me the friendship is over, no one even telling me I am going to hell. The most widespread response has been 'no response.'

It's strange, I wasn't really prepared for the silence. It's eerie, rather unsettling, because you are not quite sure what it means. Maybe, they don't care. Perhaps they are too shocked to talk. They might even agree but are too afraid to be seen doing that. Who knows? I sometimes wish they would just come right out and say something. It is interesting to me that those theists who have been engaging with me are in the main, people who I have met recently. Those for whom, I  have always been an atheist. They disagree of course but are happy to challenge and that is what I want. That is one of the big differences between living based on faith and living based on evidence. When you post something for God, you don't do it with any intention of starting a debate or discussion. You are quite happy if people just read and move on without comment. A 'click' of the 'like' button or an 'Amen' along the way and you are happy. As an evidence based person you put things up hoping that it will spark interest and you want comments, particularly dissenting comments. You want  people to disagree with you. That is how you know whether your views and arguments are sound and you help others who are on the opposite side see flaws in their argument (at least that's what's supposed to happen). However, I think our culture in the Caribbean takes over and people feel they don't want to 'rock the boat.' It's a pity.

When I look back at it, I feel as if I should have known this would happen. I blame my lack of foresight  on  spending too much time listening to religious discussions. When you immerse yourself in these, it's easy to think that everybody out there is keen to represent their beliefs and show why they think as they do. However, in reality the type of theist who will call in to 'Atheist Experience' or go out and study William Lane Craig style apologetics is rare. It's a bit of a shame. I had done all my background research, listened to online debates  with all types of theists; from the raging fundamentalists, to the mildest of agnostics. I was ready for the cosmological, ontological, teleological and other 'logical' arguments that I was sure I would have to be handling. It was like I completely over prepared for my exam. Staying up all night to study for something and then getting a super basic 15 minute multiple choice quiz in the morning. If I could understand not having a 'big deal' response here in Canada, the Caribbean was supposed to be so different, but not really. Perhaps I wasn't in Barbados long enough but the people I talked to about it, apart from this big exception here, haven't had much to say. When you think about it, it is somewhat strange. You have people strong in their convictions about their Lord and saviour, adamant that following him is crucial to the salvation of every individual on the planet. You tell them that you think they are fundamentally mistaken in this belief and that none of this stuff is true and their reply is the equivalent of, "Whatever."

When considering my  family, I have to pay special tribute to my parents. My mother in particular has come around remarkably since I first told her I was an atheist and I wrote this. While I was in Barbados I got a lot of time to explain to her how my beliefs had changed and why I made the switch. She was happy to engage in discussions and has actually now become one of my biggest fans on this blog. Dad has also enjoyed the writing  and thinks my approach to religion is healthy and is happy that I don't come across as too angry. I am glad to hear that, I want that theists can read what I write here without fear. Dad and I  share a lot in terms of our skepticism of religion, even though he remains very involved in the church. We had some very long into the night debates while I was in Barbados which I wish I had taped and could share to a wider audience. Dad tries to keep me to high standards, never afraid to point out the occasional grammatical error that may crop up in my writing here and their. I suppose dads will always be dads. I always promise him I will aim to do better with every effort and as he always tells me, when I write he is more in my corner than against me.

An atheist to us is not an atheist to them

Perhaps more than anything during the last year, I have learnt that there is quite a difference between how people define the word 'atheist.' Those who identify as agnostics I find especially interesting. Often when I get down to the nitty gritty of what they and I believe or disbelieve there is little difference if any at all. It has become quite clear to me that there is a major difference between what an atheist thinks an atheist is and what people who are not atheists think an atheist is. Essentially, it seems we atheists are defining our word in a way that nobody else in the world does.

"How can you be so sure?"
" I don't see how you can know that there isn't a God, so I call myself an agnostic."
" I can't become an atheist like you, the universe is too vast for me not to hold on to the slight possibility that there might be a God."

The first few times I got these types of  responses, I just treated them as one of those textbook atheist 'strawman' fallacies. I simply explained the usual; atheism is not a position of certainty it is just a lack of belief due to insufficient evidence, I am an agnostic as well, bla-bla-bla. I never thought it was anything major pointing this out. After all, any definition in a dictionary would tell you this. Not only that, but it is trivial to point out that  everyday in life we say that we 'know' something when in fact we don't have absolute certainty. I say that my car is parked in my garage now, because I left it there. But I really don't know that, it could have been towed, stolen or moved without my knowledge. Still, in spite of all this I don't think that people draw the parallel from this analogy  to how we define  'atheist.' They will nod and give us an " Oh I see what you mean," then go on their merry way.

You see, I don't think it matters what we say and how we explain it and how many dictionaries we show them. Theists have determined their own definition of what an atheist is and they will go with that. I have found people who have told me they are not atheists because they have no problem with religion and think that we all should be able to believe what we like and no one should be forcing belief on others. Again this is a curious response, atheism has nothing to do with attitude to religion.  I have said on numerous occasions, I still have a great fondness for many of the cultural artefacts relating to religion. The music, the art, the poetry and architecture, I still have an appreciation for those things. I find people still sometimes don't get this. They will go to great lengths to point out churches to me, hoping to rile me up. It's as if  they expect steam will start coming out of  my ears from the sight of a spire on a  tower or a cross on top off a roof. They are so disappointed when I say, " Yes, I see it and it's very beautiful."

It is clear that we have a long way to go to make atheism palatable and there are many things that need to be addressed. The first one is  this definition issue. I have heard lots of people in the secular/atheist movement claim that too much time is spent quibbling over names and what people choose to call themselves. Why do we have to make such a big deal about calling ourselves atheists? I think it is very important that we do, we have to claim the term and  more than that, define it on our own terms. It strikes me that we as atheists can become complacent in this definition game. Once the official dictionary term is in agreement with how we look at it, we feel that the battle is won, the evidence is on our side and we are on intellectually solid ground. No! Usage is what ultimately determines what words mean. Psychiatrists cringe, when people talk about schizophrenics in terms of people with a split personality. The medical books will say something quite different. It doesn't matter, meanings of words depend on  how people use them. That's why the ' just a theory' argument works so well against evolution when creationists are speaking to lay audiences. Doesn't matter what textbooks might say, it's the definition in the mind that matters. Definitions of the word 'atheist' are no different. In the minds of much of  the general public, an atheist is someone who is certain that no Gods exist.

Sometimes it is fine to let words, meanings and usages evolve naturally, but we have to be careful. In the case of atheism, I see a clear strategy at play in defining atheists as persons who are certain about the non existence of God. That categorisation virtually makes every atheist not REALLY an atheist. And that's the whole point, to wipe atheists off the map, not by some kind of coup or military operation but on a technicality, simply by defining  us out of existence. It is a subtle ploy but very effective. So successful, that even many in the secular world play into it. Non believers will regularly reject the atheist title because they are accepting the theist's definition of the word. This confusion of definitions even within our ranks creates a wedge between us, and theists often pick up our fragments that break off. It's the old adage of divide and conquer.We need to push against this, explain not only what the word means to us and what the dictionary meaning us but why the definition that they commonly use marginalises us and therefore why our definition is better. Their belief is that if they find a way to make the group called  'Atheists' an empty set, they can create the illusion that there really is no one that  believes there is no God. It creates the impression that we are all just different shades of theists with some more agnostic than others. We have to show them that to ask for certainty in order to justify the statement ' I don't believe' in a God context is an unfair double standard.  The bar is miles lower than that  for all other non beliefs in the universe. There is a song popular in Caribbean churches called " Cast your burden onto Jesus, for he cares for you." Jesus apparently cares so much that he performed a miracle on the rules of logic on behalf of his followers. He has made it permissible for believers to cast their burdens of proof unto atheists. We can't let them do it.

Not surprisingly, the faithful smile when we talk about putting away the demonic 'atheist' label and identify ourselves as humanists, freethinkers, secularists, brights, rationalists, skeptics or some other nebulous title. This is great, they would always support that.Their message is that you are free to not believe in God just as long as you don't tell us that. This allows the people in the faith world to continue living in their bubbles, convincing themselves that there is no opposing worldview. Once they can keep atheism as a fringe movement,  with the perception that we are a few angry voices yelling on the church step spitting on little old ladies as they walk in the door, their job is done.

Of course, what we hear also is that it is the word 'atheist' that is the problem. It's a harsh word that grates on the ear. It brings thoughts of communism, socialism and massacres by Hitler and Stalin. Even if we have the best intentions in our use of the word, better  for the sake of strategy to avoid it. This is an argument that I take seriously. From a personal perspective I like the word and find it empowering, however I recognise the importance of employing strategies that work and if atheist is a boulder in the road towards a secular world, I am all for tossing the 'A' word aside. This week in the US a bus ad was rejected as 'too controversial' for simply having the word " Atheists"on it. Still, I am not convinced that it is the word  itself that is the problem.

The problem I believe is the " I don't believe in God." Any word that means that is going to be rejected by the religious. So, it doesn't matter if we drop 'atheist' tomorrow and start calling ourselves 'pineapples' to show we don't believe in God. In a few years time, it would be almost impossible to get a picture of the tropical fruit on to the side of  a bus without  the vehicle being vandalised. The truth is that when people want us to change the word they mean they want a new word with a different definition. They want that there be no word in the english language that means ' a person who doesn't believe in gods.'   If  that happens, the God opposition  movement will disappear from the public square, there will be nothing left to hold the Almighty at bay. With no weapon of resistance against faith, we will be rendered impotent in the theistic battle and the Holy train will continue to steam-roll us.

If we want to have any chance of achieving the utopia of a world where people need to justify their beliefs, attitudes and decisions with evidence, logic and reasoning we have to keep fighting. Fighting for the survival of our group and OUR word.  People have told me that this is not necessary. God and evidence based living can coexist and reason can flow from faith. Some even argue that reason could not exist unless a God made it. Sorry, I can't see it. How can a foundational unchangeable belief in an entity which has no evidence to justify it give rise to a society where the need for evidence to justify ones position is at the core of all decision making? The house that results is bound to collapse on itself sooner or later.

So,  that's why I will continue to support efforts like 'A' Week. For me this year it's not an individual desire to 'come out'  to society, it's a desire to get a specific societal outcome. One where religion gets to be challenged rationally  like everything else. It seems fitting this year that 'A' Week will morph right into the Reason Rally in Washington DC on March 24th. It's almost like belonging to a church, going through Advent waiting for the big Christmas morning or reflecting during Lent in anticipation of that glorious Easter morn.

It makes me chuckle, I am right in the thick of it again. It's so great to know that this time reason is the reason for the season.

The shock of her life! : One family member's response to hearing I no longer believe

I have read the blogs, watched the you tube videos heard  numerous calls to Atheist Experience, Thinking  Atheist and the like. But, Sunday was the first time I personally got a true ' I am shocked that you don't believe in God' response. Here is how the conversation, which was with an extended family member here in Barbados, went down.

FM: How are things at your church ? Your parents still go there? Who is the pastor there?

Me: Father "X" is still there. My mum she still sings in the choir. Dad goes occasionally and sometimes visits other churches. How is it ? I suppose its ok, I myself am not really involved in church now.

FM: You mean that you are not involved in the church down here.

Me: No, I actually mean I am not involved in the church full-stop.

FM: You don't go to church?!!

Me: No

FM: Why not ???

Me: I just don't believe anymore.

FM: Don't believe what?

Me: in God

FM: Gasp!! [Places hand over mouth , stays in that position frozen for about a  minute]

Me: [Take up newspaper from table in front of me, start leafing through it and pretending to read , trying to give impression that this is a normal conversation]

FM: [ Finally breaks silence] Wait, who is the Prime Minister of Canada now?

Me: [ Know she feels really super awkward, subject change more dramatic  than a gear change in a Caribbean maxi taxi, but I answered as if it was most natural question] It's Stephen Harper.

FM: [Another moment of silence, then suddenly we are back on to topic] So what do you believe in?

Me: The same things you believe in, I just don't believe there is a God behind it all.

FM: Like what?

Me: Love, friendships, relationships, family, welfare of humans, justice, health, clean water, access to energy,  the environment, rights of children, women and minorities, music, the arts, sports. [ I tried to list off in one fell swoop everything that mattered to me in life]

FM:  You don't believe in God?  What shocked you into that?

Me: Nothing, I had doubts about my faith for a long time. I just gradually came to a point where I could no longer support the claims religion was making. I just don't see any evidence to support the existence of a God. So, I don't believe there is one.

FM: [Shaking head] I never thought that in all my life I would meet somebody that would say something like that. The thought of there being no God has never even entered my head.

Me: Well that's honestly how I see it.

FM: You say you don't believe in God. So are you a Muslim now then?

Me: [ With very puzzled look] No! I have  rejected religion. Why would I then go and pick another one?

FM: But how can you say that there is no God?

Me: Well, our belief system is something that is taught to us from the time we are very small. We don't ever question it. We assume it is true and just go through life looking at everything based on that presumption. But religious beliefs are just arbitrary. Each culture teaches a different faith tradition but it's not based on evidence or anything that they have investigated and found to be true. Therefore, I see no reason to believe  in any of them or any of their Gods.I just think it is better to face life without presuppositions, try to look at what is out there and see where the evidence seems to be pointing. I think you are more likely to find truth that way.

FM: David, I am not hearing you!

Me: What do you mean ? Is it that you don't agree or you don't understand me?

FM: No. I have just tuned you out. I am not hearing a word you are saying now. I don't want to discuss  religion with you anymore.

Me: Ok, I don't want to discuss this with you if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

[ Conversation continues discussing, Barbados politics, recent rains in the island, the royal wedding, the death of Bin Laden, and then]

FM: But back to you. You say you don't believe in God.

Me: So we are back on to talking about religion now?

FM: Do you know right from wrong?

Me: [Puzzled look returns] What do you mean?

FM: Can you say that anything is right or wrong?

Me: Yes, I consider some things right and other things wrong, but there are also many grey areas. I determine if something is wrong if I generally think that the action will be of harm to humanity.

FM: [ Shakes head some more]

Me: So, you have never ever had any doubt about the existence of a God? [ I asked this because I know that she at least didn't consider that the bible was literally the word of God. This had come out in a conversation we had years ago.I knew she was not fundamentalist]

FM: There are some things I don't understand, but I am 100% SURE that there is a God!

Me: Do you think that God is the one described in the bible?

FM: I told you already, I am finished talking about this!

Me: Ok, sorry

[ back to previous conversation centering on what is on TV, a gospel group is singing on the screen. It's the one I once used to play in. They are performing the song, " I am Glad that I still have Jesus." Unbelievably the family member brings up the topic of my lack of faith once again. ]

FM: So would you ever say ' Lord have mercy' ?

Me: [ Puzzled look has now become a permanent fixture on face] Maybe, but I didn't used to say that much even when I did believe. In any case I consider that to be just an exclamation. It is not really a statement of belief.

FM: So do you say prayers?

Me: No

FM: What ??? Oh my gosh!!! [ Hand goes over mouth once more]

Me: I actually haven't prayed for a long time but I don't mind if people pray for me.

FM: [ shakes head] And you think you know a person.

Me: But even if you believe in God, why would you have to pray to him if he already knows everything?

FM: [ Puts finger over lips] I don't want to hear anymore. I told you I didn't want to discuss religion with you. In fact I don't want to discuss religion with you ever again!

Me: It's ok, I respect that I just thought since you had brought it back up that............[ FM interrupts]

FM: No, I don't want to hear anymore from you! I will put you into the same category as my other family member who is a Jehovah's Witness. I never talk religion with hm either.

Me: Ok. I didn't mean to shock you or cause you any pain tonight. I am sorry this has caused you such distress. I just thought since we were family it was important to share with you how my perspective has changed. Anyway, I am still glad that in spite of our differences we are able to sit here and have a conversation.

FM: It's ok, you are still a human being.

Me: [Speechless]

God's Plan?: Death of PM opens door for wife

It's a beautiful thing. To see someone who three months ago was devastated by tragedy now basking in triumph is enough to bring a tear to the eye of even the most hard-hearted observer. That was the story in Barbados last week. Mara Thompson, the widow of the late Prime Minister David Thompson, swept to victory in the by-election held in his former constituency. This means she takes over as Member of Parliament for the parish of St.John where her husband was revered for 23 years. It's jubilation not only for Mara but no doubt for many in the rural community that would have been gutted by the sudden loss of their popular leader. This photo from the Nation newspaper captures a bit of the mood.

In the opinions of most Barbadians it would have been a miracle had the result of the election been anything different given the history of voting patterns in this constituency as well as the emotions surrounding the government's choice of candidate. It's interesting though that when the word "miracle" is used in such contexts it is really shorthand for, " It ain't going to happen." Of course when we say it will take a miracle to heal a dying person, the faithful just use that as a cue to ramp up the prayers to make it happen.

According to scripture, earnest prayer from even a few faithful opposition supporters could have caused God to influence the minds of the electorate. God could have made his presence felt in the voting booth and guided constituents to vote according to His will rather than their own. That shouldn't have been hard since there aren't too many atheists in that area, most of the folks there will declare that they pray to God to direct them in all that they do. Of course the results went totally with all the statistical predictions. So, I suppose God doesn't intervene in elections, although Mara was at church two days later presumably to thank God for blessing her with a win. Oh well, I guess it's just more of God's mysterious ways, getting involved and not getting involved at the same time.

Anyway, seeing how things have unfolded since the PM's death, I am sure it won't be long before people point to the illness and death of the former Prime Minister as part of God's plan. It's clear that the opportunity that Mara now has would not have been there if David Thompson was still alive. Regardless of the abilities Mara possesses she would have remained in purely a supporting role to her husband. Suddenly she has the chance to make her own way. Who knows ? She may one day be in the position to become Prime Minister of the nation. However, to suggest that God deliberately made the prime minister his family and country suffer would seem callous in the extreme.

How often is life like this? One person's demise makes the way for another. Many great sportsmen got their first chance to play in a team due to a last minute injury to someone in the starting line up. Falls of gymnasts, hurdlers and ice skaters in Olympic competition have regularly handed gold medals to ecstatic rivals. Understudies in musicals have risen to the occasion due to throat infections of superstars. In all these occasions the beneficiaries have pointed to what they often refer to as "blessings in disguise" and regular credit God with setting up things to be the way that there are. But this way of thinking does open up a troubling "can of worms." If we accept that God made the way for us we must accept that he also deliberately created the obstacles for our competition. It really is a zero sum game. Sporting arenas and election polling stations make this obvious but it happens everywhere in life. Whenever you get that dream job there is someone out there with head in hands cursing under the breath at a missed opportunity. For every couple that get together there are others on the sideline wondering why they didn't manage to make the catch. Indeed, every blessing we have in life is a damning for someone else somewhere even if in most cases we can't see him or her.

People regularly point to the situations where things have worked out in their favour as proof that God is blessing them. However, these stories only serve to underline how inequitable is God's sharing. It's like saying someone is a great government representative because he gave ME a job even as hundreds remain unemployed. If God blessed everyone equally, blessings would effectively become non existent, because there would be nothing one person got that others didn't get. It wouldn't mean that everyone would end up equal but at least we would all start from the same point.

Well, atheists do not have this conundrum. We embrace the simple philosophy that "shit happens." When we take our lemons to make lemonade we don't thank God for denying us oranges. We recognise that from any terrible situation opportunities are inevitably created and it is natural for us to try to make use of the chances that come our way. We do this without the need to feel guilty about having to say thanks to God for slamming the door in another person's face.

So, good luck to you Mara. I can fully understand why you would call your victory in St. John "bitter sweet " but your story may one day become an inspiration. Throughout history there are so many who have used adversity to build something better than what was there before. It is this that keeps me going as an atheist when things are especially tough. There may be no God anymore to get me through but there is enough evidence from history to give me confidence that if I hang on and keep fighting, more often that not things will turn around.

I just told my parents

Well,I finally did it. I just told my parents that I am now an atheist. How does it feel? I am still trying to process it all, but I suppose the most important thing is that it is done. I guess it was not a critical action in that I am living in Canada and they in Barbados and my actions with secular societies here would not have affected them directly. Nonetheless, I felt with my involvement increasing everyday in freethought it was only fair they should know of my new philosophical position. As I was not sure how to slip the issue into normal phone conversation, I opted to send them an email telling them what I was involved in and specifically provided the link to this blog. That was a few days ago and I left them some days to mull it over.

Tonight I had an extended discussion with each one separately. My mum was the one that I was more concerned about. So many atheists have told me they could just never tell their mother. I always felt that I could even though up until a few days ago I hadn't. However, yesterday I started to get a bit nervous as she told me she was still mulling over my email. I just had visions of my mum staying up at night agonising, this was the last thing I wanted. Anyway after talking tonight I feel a little bit better. She however seems to be worried that I may have involved myself in some cult group which I might find it difficult to get out of later. Tonight I thought was not the time to go into details of why this is not like some new religion and that it is indeed Christianity that is the difficult thing to get out of once you are in. She pleaded with me not to throw out the "baby with the bathwater" which reminded me of Dan Barker's remark in his book Godless that he threw out the bathwater and there was no baby there. Again I thought better of bringing up that extension to the analogy. To my mother's credit she didn't try to change my mind or throw me a version of Pascal's Wager as I have heard has happened in other atheists' experiences. She did mention about sending me some bible passages, but I'll deal with that when and if the time comes. Overall not too bad with mum.

Not surprisingly things were a little easier with my dad as he has always brought more than an air of skepticism to his faith. I remember clearly being at the dinner table at six years old and hearing him chuckling at the absurd concept of two of every animal walking in procession into the ark. He jokingly wondered how on earth Noah managed to capture the two mosquitoes and how he could be sure he had a male and a female. I almost choked on my chicken bone hearing him laughing at something in the HOLY bible, but I never ever forgot that moment. Looking back that was the first crack in my armour of faith. Indeed my father's influence is certainly a large part of spurring my desire to question and investigate all my beliefs. It's like he took me right to the brink of reason's "promised land" but he at least up to now has not been prepared to step over the threshold with me. I on the other hand can find no reason not to keep walking and that's of course what I have done. I certainly think daddy's the one that needs to take a lot of credit for where I am today. Ironically he, as he told me tonight, sees himself as the one if anything that has to take the blame. I suppose it's a question of glasses half empty and half full.

My dad has always considered himself an agnostic and always has as far as I can remember even as he has been heavily involved in the church over the years. He reiterated to me tonight that he considers that the arguments against God's existence are stronger than those in support, but he would never take a position of certainty. In my books that makes him an atheist but I am definitely not going to belabour that point with him. I just merely told him that I agree with him 100% in those conclusions. I was a bit surprised that my dad seemed at some level to be subscribing to that commonly held view by theists that atheism is a position that expresses some type of certainty.

Well all in all two fruitful interactions. It's a shame that neither at this time is able to share my happiness at what I consider to be a very positive development in my life. But, to be honest I know that would have been too much to ask for. I think that is one of the hardest thing for me in becoming an atheist, the inability to share the joy of the deconversion and resulting liberation with those who matter to me most. It's like the best you can get is an, " I'm ok with that."Still I suppose that is really great compared to many stories I have heard where atheists have been virtually cut off by their families.

I also have a wish that my parents could come to understanding my position better by reading some of my thoughts on this blog, but from tonight's conversation I don't think that is going to happen too soon. I now realise that having the name of the blog as No Religion Know Reason does not exactly help. Oh well, too late to change that name now.