Irrational response to irrational behaviour: The problem with turning to faith in times of tragedy

There are times when as a blogger in the atheist community you feel you just have to speak out.  In the aftermath of the slaughter of 26 in Connecticut last Friday, now is one of those times. My heart goes out to the families and friends of those who died in the face of such unimaginable horror.

Not surprisingly, the response to the massacre particularly on the internet, was to call for prayers for the families of the victims as people tried to grapple with the enormity of the tragedy and how to make sense out of the senseless. We atheists, when faced with these sudden rush of 'prayer warriors' in these awful moments find ourselves in an awkward position. Two years ago I reflected on this when I wrote about a similar type of tragedy in Barbados when six young ladies were killed as a result of the throwing of a Molotov cocktail into a clothing store. I titled that blog "When is the right time to criticize?" and I find myself asking that same question once again today.

The thing that bothers me after these tragedies is that there is an attempt by many in the faith world to shut down any view that runs counter to the idea that we all need to pray to God for comfort to the grieving. Quick dismissals of anybody who suggests that this afterlife is simply a product of wishful thinking. Just a suggestion that it might be a better approach to try to deal with the reality on reality's own terms leads to us being lambasted as being insensitive, uncaring, disrespectful and not allowing people to grieve in peace. We are often made to feel that we are not much better than the murderer ourselves, stripping mourning family members of their spiritual well being after they have already survived such a severe physical loss. We then get accused of having a personal agenda and for using this completely inappropriate time to get up on our 'soapboxes.'

In a way, I can understand these criticisms. When you are leaning on God for all you are worth, the last thing you want is to hear someone kicking over your support by saying that there is nothing other than a concept in your mind holding you up. But that is just the nature of life. Truth is truth and sometimes it is hard and cold and cruel. Trying to spruce it up in a fancy dress and coat may give you a warm feeling for a while but it doesn't change reality at its core. Ultimately you don't end up avoiding pain, you merely delay it and the deep scars can remain as open wounds for years and even decades to come.

But generally theists don't see the God belief that way, they will often tell you when it comes to things like God and the afterlife, they just NEED to believe it. It's the only way to face the darkest hours of their lives. People have admitted to me from time to time that they know that the beliefs they have are in all likelihood not true, but they just must believe them in order to get through life happy, healthy and content.

I have heard it in the media that the time to deal with the reality of having better gun control is now; the  time to deal with the reality of a mental health system that is not working is now; but the time to address the widespread irrational belief in a supernatural entity that makes people prone to embracing a delusion seems to be never.

What happened last week Friday was that an entirely irrational act was committed which led tragically to the death of 27. We can speculate as to what was behind the irrational act. In all likelihood a mental disorder of some sort or another. Whatever the cause, an irrational act is what it was and irrational acts come as a result of irrational thoughts and irrational thoughts can be traced back to irrational beliefs. No matter how we try to spin this one, it is the irrational that lies at the heart of this massacre. Somewhere along the line, something got in the way of human reasoning and lives were lost as a result. Logic suggests that the only way to deal with a problem of irrationality is to bring rationality.

Piling on the irrationality

But what do we do in times like this?  Well, we do exactly the opposite. We run headlong into the arms of anti- reason, anti-logic and anti-evidence. Meanwhile we jettison any ideas of using a method that is reality based. It's all about talk of children running about in heavenly puddles that we know are as real as the caramel rivers in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. What we are doing is piling on the irrational on top of the irrational. Somehow we believe that if we replace deadly irrational beliefs by irrational beliefs of the warm and fuzzy kind, one set will cancel out the other and we will be left with a saner and safer world. It's not going to work.

The reality is that when we keep piling up the irrational beliefs we end up digging ourselves into a deeper and deeper hole. Irrational beliefs whether in fairies, pixies, goblins, gods, angels or demons often lead to flawed reasoning and bad thinking habits. Once you get into the routine of holding something as true even if you have no evidence to support it, that behaviour can become an integral part of your life. You become sloppy in checking out facts and poor at second guessing yourself in all areas if what you believe 'feels right.' Once you make desirability of a belief one of the criteria you use for determining its truth you put yourself in trouble, if as a community or a country you actively encourage that attitude it can become thousands of times worse. You end up with a society who can be controlled and manipulated so long as you can push the right emotional buttons or sweeten the belief pot enough. This at the end of the day, is not going to give you a society that will learn to be progressive or deal with the real problems it faces head on.

Reason can be a great ally even in the most dire circumstance.  It's true that people speak of faith in the midst of stressful situations regularly, but when you listen to their stories carefully, it  becomes clear that it was their ability to put training into action and think through the steps they needed to take rationally that was often the key to survival or saving a life. These accounts tells me that rational behaviour in all situations is what we should be promoting, rather than the need to believe in the supernatural.

So, that is what scares me when I see the sprint into the arms of Jesus that I see now. I am puzzled by the notion of trying to find comfort in a God who either directly caused or passively allowed the action from which the afflicted now seek relief. If God's primary interest was the happiness of the families, the thing to do was to stop the massacre from happening in the first place, not just sit on the sidelines watching and then run out at the end with a heavenly tissue to wipe away a tear. It's a case of too little too late for God. Like having your star striker in a football (soccer) match scoring a wonder goal in the 89th minute that takes the team from being 6-0 down to 6-1. In those occasions celebrations of the losing team are muted. I don't see why God's supporters should be upset when I am not cheering about what he is desperately trying to do now, deep into injury time.

What I see in times like this is irrationality being advertised like the latest brand of iPhone. Everyone in or around the tragedy feels obliged to do the godvertising and get in on the magical thinking marketing. Grieving relatives, fortunate survivors, brave first responders, counsellors, news reporters and presidents all feel obliged to speak about faith in some form. Thoughts and prayers being offered up, spirits of dead ones looking down, snowflakes as signs from them that everything is alright 'up there.' I know that many of these people are probably nominally religious if religious at all. For them it's just like taking part in a ritual. Saying the things that you say in tragedies, just because that's the custom and culturally we are perhaps primed to find comfort in such empty platitudes.

Faith becomes part of thinking routine

For some people the harm may be minimal. When they go back to 'normal' life they'll forget about these heavenly sentiments and embrace the rational life fully once more. The same President Obama that mentioned last week that he knows that Jesus 'called the children home' and that they are safe in a heaven for which no evidence exists, will be asking in the months ahead for strong empirical evidence to support the assertion of those that are arguing that fire arms in the hands of teachers would make kindergarten schools safe. Politicians like Obama may be able to turn on and off their faith switch to suit differing situations, but the masses in the country don't have regulators in their minds that work quite as well. Many will remember these faith messages long after Adam Lanza is a forgotten name.

The message that will stick with them is that faith is something we all need and should all strive to have, particularly in times of tragedy. They will become convinced that there are many times in life when faith in the unseen should be valued above evidence and logic. Once they buy into this way of thinking can we really blame them if they choose to follow their faith which says that the world is 6000 years old and give it greater weight than the evidence that is readily available and tells us that the correct number is in the billions? It's easy to slip faith in at these opportune times, but once it gets out their in the water you can't just filter it out.

People who are better at keeping scientific thought separate from faith ideas may fare better, but a lot of them will reach back for faith when they have a personal 'Sandy Hook' to deal with in life. They'll remember all the heroes in that tragedy that held on to their bibles and beliefs and consider that they'll need to do the same thing if they are to get through as well. When the next national or global disaster  comes a calling, memories will be evoked of sacred memorials and make shift crosses from last time and everyone will turn back to God. This is the cycle. The house of logic and reason becomes like a sand castle on a Caribbean beach, beautifully made, constructed painstakingly with intricate detail when the tide is out and things are calm,  but the whole edifice gets swept away in seconds as soon as an emotional wave crashes ashore.

People are turning away from deities in their numbers, churches are becoming emptier and more and more people are declaring openly that they are atheists or have no religious affiliation.The last bastion of the religious is the 'mass tragedy.' It is the one time that priests and pastors hold the limelight. The time when they are given liberty to say almost whatever they want, because in the eyes of the influential people in society, there is no such thing as too much faith in the wake of a disaster.

Still, there are glimpses of  little changes.  At least it was refreshing to see religious leaders being called out for making the ludicrous argument that God didn't save six year olds because we had the gall to expel him from the classroom.  So, maybe things are looking up.

I am encouraged to see the  progress we are making in getting people to discover the new dawn that can come in the light of reason, but our advance will continue to be stifled if those same people don't have enough faith in the ability of reason to give guidance through the dark and desperate nights as well.

Celebrating the legacy of Whitney Houston: One Moment in Time that meant so much

It happens so frequently these days it seems. We lose an icon and the chorus of responses says ' gone too soon.' The latest balladeer to have left us is Whitney Houston. A lady whose legacy is as great as they come. For anyone who grew up in the 80s or 90s, Whitney was the lady that every girl that could 'carry a tune' wanted to be. In Barbados back in those days, it was an eye opener when the female pop singer you were hearing on the radio was not Whitney. Over the last few weeks when the press has been recapping the many hits she had in that period, I found myself saying many times, " Oh yeah, she sang that one too!"

In those years I am sure many people can tell you of first dates, school dances, modelling shows, and Miss 'Whatever' pageants where Whitney held centre stage. I am sure all over the world that the experiences were the same.That is why it makes me  sad when people concentrate on highlighting the personal problems that Whitney Houston had, and the way in which her own behaviour led ultimately to her self destruction. For many this is a serious blot on what was a stellar copy book.

I have to add that there is a tinge of irony when such comments come from people who are Christians or describe themselves as spiritual in some way. These are the same people who claim that we who are atheists are just materialists who don't understand the value of the transcendent. They say that it is the soul not the body that really matters. They emphasise that the eternal is more critical than the temporal and things that speak to heart far more powerful than those which speak purely to mind. Well, if they really believe what they say, then the triumph outruns the tragedy in Whitney's life by miles.

Whitney Houston's physical body is no longer here but her'spirit' lives on in the hearts of millions and will do for years, decades, maybe even centuries to come. In the course of her struggles, she suffered personally and that was a shame, but she did not for the most part bring harm to anyone but herself. Her immediate family and friends will feel the pain, but for the wider world it is the gain of the music that will have the greater impact. In spite of her celebrity, we have come to learn how lonely  and depressed she was prone to feel after the lights faded at the end of a show of glitz and glamour. We've heard of how the pressure of maintaining her place at the top often told on her mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet, she battled through to give the world some of the most memorable performances of all time. In many ways Whitney Houston sacrificed her own life for the benefit of us all.

Of course, at this time of the year, we are often told of another sacrifice made in a different context which the faithful call the greatest love of all. That saviour being referenced is one who gave up his life after 33  years, 15 less than the number that Whitney shared with us. I know that it wasn't that our saviour wilfully went out there and destroyed his own body to cause his own death. Nonetheless, he certainly had the power to prevent his own demise. We can recognise that Whitney was a flawed human being, who was eventually unable to defeat her own inner demons. But our saviour, we are told,  was God in flesh. Surely there was no demon that could prevail against him. Yet, he chose to grace us for such a fleeting moment. One would think that after going through the trouble of travelling all the way down here, he would have hung around at least long enough to make the trip worth it.

Jesus if he wanted to, could have lived much longer. I understand that for the Christian his death and resurrection are important, but I fail to see why a more mature man hanging on the crucifix would have made the story less meaningful. James Sisnett in  Barbados just reached 112, couldn't Jesus have at least managed half that? We may not want to be greedy enough to ask for a 969 score like Methuselah in the Old Testament, but if you think about it, there is no reason why he should not have granted us that. Indeed, Jesus could still be living among us in the flesh. All he had to do was raise himself from the dead but delay the ascension. Just think of the things we could have learnt from the master if millions more had walked beside him.We could have had millennia of miracles.Well, that was not the plan. In fact we are told that we should actually love him more because he gave up his life for us, we are to adore him for what was effectively a suicide mission.While Whitney  tended to sing about miracles rather than perform them, there is no doubt  that her music had its own special brand of magic that could empower the listener. If we blame Whitney for leaving us in body too early, we should have some words of admonition for our Lord and saviour too. Fair is fair!

One Moment in Time: My personal experience

I know that some people would think saying that Whitney Houston's music could empower in a way similar to how their saviour does is nothing short of sacrilegious. Well, I will take a leaf out of their book and do exactly what they do. I will speak from my personal experience. In the wake of Whitney's death there have been people  reminiscing on songs like 'I'll Always Love You' ' The Greatest Love of All,' and 'Where do Broken Hearts Go?'  Many have recalled  the performance of the US anthem back in 1991. All of these were noteworthy, but my favourite Whitney Houston song, by some distance is  'One Moment in Time.'

 In 1988,when I was active in my church in Barbados, I got together with a few friends and we formed an instrumental ensemble with the aim of performing during services and other social activities. As teenagers we were all relatively 'green' on our instruments but we just felt we could combine our talents and do something positive for our church. I took on the role of leader, having no experience whatsoever in managing anything. I had no idea how far we could take the group, but the team gelled, we were having fun and that was all that mattered. 1988  was the year of the Olympics in Seoul and there was a lot of excitement in the air particularly surrounding the huge 100m clash between Ben Johnson and Carl Lewis and the sudden emergence of Florence Griffith Joyner (Flo Jo). It seemed everyone was catching the fever. In the midst of it all was the release of this stunning piece of music by Whitney Houston which just seemed to capture everything about the Olympic spirit. " Give me one moment in time when I am more than I thought I could be."

I just felt that this was a song we could adapt and make our own. Looking back, I think we ourselves were hoping that one day we too would find our 'moment.' I remember distinctly sitting down and arranging that song for the instruments that we had. It was far from the full orchestra that Ms. Houston had at her disposal. We had two violins, two flutes, a clarinet, a saxophone and a guitar, but we had to make it work. I smile today when I remember putting together the music for the climax with the Pam-pam a namp, pam-a namp, pamanamanama, pam-pam a namp, pam-a namp, pamanamanama.and then the notes to, " I will be, I will be free!"

Well, the piece went down splendidly with the congregation the first time we came out with it and whenever we did it after that it just 'hit.' It quickly became the signature piece in our repertoire. So successful was the group in our church setting that we quickly started getting invitations to play at churches all over the country. By the next year we truly got our moment in time when we were invited to play at a national service at the historic Kensington Oval in front of about three thousand people and live on television for thousands more at home to see. We didn't perform " One Moment in Time" on that day but I felt that tune had brought us there. It was a thrilling day and a moment that none of us could have imagined one year earlier.

Over the years, I just took 'One Moment in Time' with me. I often had the notes of the song playing in my head, as I took off my track suit at the starting line when competing at inter house or inter school sports. I hoped that one day my own personal 'moment' would come. One day it did, in 10.77 seconds on March 1st, 1990. I had set the Under 20 Boys record for the 100 metres at my school. I was ecstatic. For that moment I was definitely  'more than I thought I could be.' Many highlights in life have come since but that moment still remains right up there with my greatest.

Praying tribute to Whitney Houston

With such good memories associated with Whitney Houston I was looking forward to paying tribute in my little way. Of course my theological perspective is far different now than it was in the days when her songs were popular. That change proved to be significant. My Christian friends  were thrown into ecstacy with the nature of the funeral on Saturday; thrilled at the reach their gospel got in just a few hours. For me, the few genuine touches of emotion, were interspersed with far too many 'facepalm' moments. 

From start to finish it was all about Jesus. Every person who took to the stage to perform or speak paid homage to the divine. From Kevin Costner to Stevie Wonder to Clyde Davis to Alicia Keys it was all the same refrain. So much so, that when Marvin Winans got up to give the sermon and said he was NOW ready to start the preaching, I wondered what church he had been sitting in for the preceding three hours.Everyone wanted to jump on to the Baptist bandwagon, many saying with a great degree of assurance that Whitney was in heaven warming up her voice to lead the 'Angel Chorus' before the Lord. I can't see a person's heart, but I have to think that some of the speakers were at least agnostic; simply feeling it necessary to play to the church gallery in order to score points with the faithful sitting directly in front of them. 

It made me recognise one more reason why so many people who agree with our 'no God' position intellectually, don't want to go all the way and declare themselves as atheists. We atheists would be hypocrites if we said we don't believe in God and then went to a funeral to talk about grandma upstairs  playing a harp. Indeed, we would not want to do that anyway,  because we would not be being true to ourselves. That's why in general I like people who self identify as atheists. We in most cases stick to our stated principles. We don't waver into belief when it suits us. It is unfortunate that people feel they need to be dishonest in order to comfort. However, I am convinced that's what much of the world thinks. 

So, those who stay in the agnostic or 'spiritual but not religious'  camp may  not be that open to the possibility of God. It might be more that that they want to be able to play the part of 'Christian' when circumstances demand it. They want to be able to live in both worlds. Sit with the atheists and make fun of irrational beliefs like talking snakes, virgin births and bodies ascending into clouds. Later, when tragedy strikes, they want to stand shoulder to shoulder with the faithful and declare that they KNOW the departed has floated up on a cloud to heaven and is singing in a heavenly choir before Jesus. This type of nimble theological footwork often leaves us atheists shaking our heads in disbelief. We who have declared our hand publicly as atheists know we have given up our chance to do this dance and therefore regularly get the doors slammed in our face when we want to come to their party or share in their wake. I know it may sound like an exaggeration but it's true. This feeling of not being able to take part on occasions that we desperately would love to is something that I am not sure that many people who are are not atheists understand. 

Message to my Christian Friends

Christians, with every invocation to the supernatural, you believe you are getting closer to God and doing his will to let us know about him. For you He is the one who provides all the inspiration, the joy, the comfort and the blessings. For us it is rather different. Every time you say 'Lord',  'Jesus' or 'Heavenly Father' you  push us further away. Sure we can listen through and politely smile when you start your testimonies. Of course we are not insecure egomaniacs that will throw a tantrum just because you use a prayer word. But we do feel a little bit hollow inside when you go all  'God ' on us. When you tell us that faith is all that really matters and God is the only one who can heal, you are effectively telling us atheists that there is nothing we can do to help. Because God is the one gift we can't bring you and you know that very well. We are convinced nonetheless that there is much we can offer  within our secular package. However, by just going on about God, you make us feel embarassed about our presents and  we sometimes just want to slink away unnoticed through the back door.

Often when I raise such objections in theist circles I get a patronising " Awwwh, so sorry that you feel left out, maybe you need a little atheist God  to make you feel happy." They just don't get it. Our displeasure with them also plays into the widely held view that atheists are basically sad people who would be much happier if we just accepted their God . In reality, the sadness is not caused by a rejection of Christ but rather by  the rejection of a Christian. What is often not realised is that when theists exclude us they are also hurting themselves. The truth is that they love us as friends and  family members and  want us to be with them in their hour of need or celebration. They just don't see a way to bring us into the circle unless we join them and their God on their terms. In those moments you want to say or do something to show them that their is a 'spirit' that soars above mere belief or disbelief in something. It is stronger than that which is contained in any faith tradition or secular ideology and it can unite us all as human beings.

This 'spirit' capable of transcending  the faith boundary is exactly what so many of Whitney Houston's greatest works tapped into.Songs like 'I'll Always Love You' 'The Greatest Love of All,' 'I am Every Woman' and my favourite  'One Moment in Time'  speak directly to that 'spirit'. The power of these songs comes from the fact that they can speak to people of faith or 'no faith.' For those that believe in God, they can relate to the sentiments and link them to the supernatural source they believe in. Persons more agnostic or atheistic can look towards the magnificence of the natural world, microscopic and macroscopic, and how when the right synergies are present the whole is often greater than the sum of its parts. For me, that is the true power of the songs that were Whitney Houston's greatest. 'Yes Jesus Loves Me' may have been her last performance, but it will not be the song of hers that  leaves the most lasting impression. Why? Because songs that speak to one special faith club will never beat the ones that can embrace all humanity.

Yes, the church is where Whitney got her start, but that's not what made her Whitney Houston. Whitney Houston was a star not because Christians loved her or because the black church loved her. Whitney was a star because the world loved her. It is a pity that we didn't let her speak a bit more to that world in her final moment in time.

Saying Goodbye to Christopher Hitchens: Unity in the Midst of Grief

Last Thursday night the non-believing world let out a collective groan. It was the news everyone knew was coming but no one wanted to hear. Christopher Hitchens was dead. Immediately, the tributes started to flow in from every corner of the 'atheosphere'  and indeed from many in the religious world who stood on the opposite side, but could appreciate a champion when they saw one.

It was a strange feeling for me during that night. I  experienced at that moment something I had never felt before in the three years that I have identified myself as an atheist. I suddenly realised that I was part of something truly global and it felt great to be part of it even as we all grieved. It has so often been said that bringing atheists together is like 'herding cats' but that night and the days following, every one in the herd was raising a toast to the fallen 'horseman' popularly known as Hitch. It didn't seem to matter what side of the secular spectrum you fell on. Those who favoured more measured methods of promoting secularism through humanism or explicitly working with the churches, seemed as touched as those that modelled themselves on the more hostile approach of Hitch himself. Many atheist bloggers and you tubers that are usually  not short of an opinion, seemed genuinely too shocked to talk or make a key stroke on their computers.Thursday was a night when you saw en masse the humanity of atheism and the grieving from the heart of a community that is often accused of not having one. Yet, it was so different from the kind of tributes I had experienced in religious life, it was huge but it was not worship. Even in  grief, atheists were  talking about things they thought Hitch was flat out wrong about, like his support of the Iraq war. I was told growing up that one should never speak ill of the dead. That didn't seem to be the modus operandi applied Thursday night,  yet the support for the man and what he represented was overwhelming. I think that says a lot for the value of the secular over the sacred.

It is common when a prominent person in any field dies to say, " There will never be another X." It is almost a cliche. Well, it seems on this occasion it may not be an exaggeration. The way Hitch delivered  his points during a debate, showed absolute brilliance. He could easily have made it as a stand up comic, his timing and turns of phrase so impeccable. It was an honour to join with members of the secular community here in Calgary and give a toast to 'the Hitch' on Saturday. None of us there had ever met him, yet he had clearly touched all our lives. It was years since I had got together with other people to sip wine for someone none of us had ever met in person. In the days of old in Barbados it was a weekly gathering to pay homage to a Jew that  lived 2000 years ago. Somehow the Christopher I was thinking about on Saturday meant so much more than the Christ offer I used to make in those bygone days.

I have been paying my own tribute to Hitch by listening to some of his famous debates. Some classic moments like these:

On the Catholic church: " They seem to have altered the popular ' no child left behind' to ' no child's behind left.' "

After a less than complimentary introduction of him from an MC at a debate: " Thanks for that introduction, which of all the introductions I have had in my life, is certainly the most.................(pause for dramatic effect) recent."

There was just nothing you could do with Hitch, not a moment that he ever appeared the slightest bit fazed in a debate.Yet, he could evoke an enormous degree of passion at any moment. Who could ever forget his many references to heaven as a 'Celestial North Korea'? There is a tinge of irony that Kim Jong Il, a man referenced so often by Hitch, died so soon after him. It would certainly have made for an interesting discussion between those two in the line up going to the 'Pearly Gates.'

Aside from all Hitch's brilliance though, I think it is something much more that is causing people to respond to him so emphatically after his death. It is the way he played out the last year of his life, the way he looked death in the face squarely and dealt with it. People of faith tend to face the threat of death by immediately seeking to get around it. They are like the student that begs the professor to grant an extension once he realises the assignment deadline is a tight one. Maybe, there are times such pleas are heard and leniency is granted but often valuable time is lost while going through the process of the appeal. Also, quite often even after the extra time, not much more work is produced. Scholars like Hitchens, don't spend time debating and  negotiating with the time the professor has set, they just put their heads down and get going, using the deadline as a spur to get the brain in gear and motor down the track. By the time others get their extension granted, Hitch has already finished two or three assignments. That's just his way and I think that's the way we all should roll.

Indeed, the way Hitch finished his life reminds me a lot of the way that we were told to finish races on the track at school. We were always told to run through the tape, make that lunge to the line with the torso, regardless of the effort we had expended before. It was not something that came automatically, it was tempting to cruise through the finish after a gruelling run, especially if you  thought you were well ahead or were on your way to capturing some kind of medal. Well, Hitch may have been a winner but he ran through the tape and threw everything he had as the finish line got closer. From the time he heard the bell he was off and away. The race is over for him now and he has plenty of time to rest. Sadly, he can't hear the applause now ringing for him around the stadium. At least we in the crowd can take heart, knowing that if we all take his example and run with it, reason will win out one day.

The times when only an atheist can help

I remember the sermon I heard the last time I went to church, it was the old "How hard it is to be a Christian," spiel.  The message to the flock was to stand up for their beliefs, be not afraid to profess Jesus as their Lord and Saviour and stick to their guns no matter what others  may say. At the time that I heard this message I already had thoughts of embracing atheism and it was one of the few times in my church life that I thought the priest was speaking directly to me. How right the reverend  was. I had to have the courage to stand  for what I believed and I left church that morning more convinced I should make a move. The preacher cautioned us about the difficulties we will find trying to swim against the tide. Again, I was right there with him. Sometimes being an  atheist is like trying  to paddle your way against an oncoming tsunami.  Christians  in spite of their protestations to the contrary generally have no idea what it means to suffer or be ostracised for their beliefs. We atheists on the other hand face what they speak about in their sermons every day of our lives.

I try to remember that "last" sermon as I go through life now. I live  in Canada and as a member of the skeptic community here I have as many non believers as believers in my circle even though I am a relatively recent deconvert. Still, no matter how many meet-ups skeptics may have we are nothing compared to those on the believers' side. While we congratulate ourselves for being able to get 20 members to discuss the threat to society posed by magical thinking, an average sized church can pull in 200 on a Sunday morning even on a bad day.

Standing alone in reason

Being an atheist is a lonely road and I think all of us get overwhelmed from time to time as we try to navigate through the tempest. Many of us try to put on the bravado, claiming that we live according to reason alone and therefore don't care if we find ourselves alone in reason. Some even resist making the connections with others of like mind, lest  they commit the unpardonable sin of falling into " group think." This tendency has  led to the famous cliche that trying to bring together atheists is like herding cats. However, in cutting ourselves off, we are  refusing to face the reality that we accuse religious people of avoiding.  Atheists are human beings first and  humans are social animals.

The times when we need to depend on society the most are those moments where we are emotionally at our most vulnerable. Indeed, that is why many people claim they stay in church. It is great to have that community when you find yourself or a loved one in hospital with a chronic illness or after an accident. Apart from times when we are in need, there are times when those close to us or people we admire in our communities fall into misfortune. We want to be there to show our love and support and help in whatever way we can.

The thing is, it is in the tough situations that the atheist feels most isolated. We can live as atheists with persons of all creeds, work with them , laugh with them, share with them and even engage them in polite debates on the subject of religion. Many of  our colleagues will agree with much of what we say, nod when we talk about how faith has kept back developments in stem cell research, laugh with us when we talk about the idiocy of a 6000 year old world and concede that God's existence is not consistent with logic or available evidence. All is fine and secular until that moment of tragedy strikes, then  everyone seems to become a fundamentalist. Suddenly, everyone around you runs to religion, including the "skeptic" you thought was on your side. The whole experience reminds me of how children all scamper for a seat when the song stops in "musical chairs."  In this case, the atheist is the one left standing, wondering why the sudden rush to find a faith to sit on.

Platitudes on a Platter

If  the tragic situation includes a death, the desire to cling to faith becomes even more intense. From the comfort of their favourite doctrine the masses choose from a menu of " Platitudes on a Platter" that the church lays before them. Here are some popular ones they dish out :

• You need to trust in God
• His soul is at peace
• I will be praying for you and your family
• May he rest in peace and rise in glory
• He's in  a better place now
• She's safe in the arms of Jesus
• Thank God that she was taken quickly
• Thank God it wasn't any worse
• God knows and understands
• God will find a way
• Trust in the Lord and he will give you strength
• The Lord will not give you more than you can bear
• She's singing in the angelic choir now
• He's been called to higher service
• Heaven must have needed another angel

Many people do find comfort in these words and it helps them through.  For atheists such statements ring hollow, very hollow indeed. We get no comfort from utterances relating to a fictional being we no more believe in than the magic tree frog in the garden. Neither do we feel that we are doing any good when we are forced to join in this chorus of "God talk" when someone else is suffering. In fact this talk  often makes us feel worse, it's almost like injecting us with a virus on our death bed. For the Christians are trying to comfort us with the very thing that we consider to be the source of so much of the world's ills.

I don't think that people that are not atheists really get this. You can't blame them. We live in a society where religion is what you turn to in the darkest hour and the greatest gift you can give people at this point is "spiritual upliftment" which equates to just picking one of the "Platitudes on a Platter." That is the formula, the only method we are taught to show that we care. We know the believer is sincere, but we atheists still feel empty, with greater stress facing us because we have to pretend that we are ever so touched by the words. Any indication that we are anything but fully appreciative and we are likely to feel the wrath even as we are already consumed with grief.

What would happen if they were sick and we told them how earnestly we were praying to our tree frog for their speedy recovery? Would they tell us that even though they are not tree frog followers, they appreciate the sentiment? Hardly.We would be severely reprimanded for making a mockery of them when they were suffering. Even if they were paralysed from the neck down I am sure they would find the power from somewhere to give us a hard slap in our face. Yet, anything less than total commitment and participation in appealing to their God and we are just cynical ungrateful people. They just don't realise that their God is  our tree frog.

In recent weeks I have become all too aware of these types of situations. "The Thinking Atheist" had a very moving podcast last week that dealt with these issues in "Grief without God." I am aware of an atheist in the Caribbean that has recently had to deal with this issue following a death of a member of staff. What I have learnt from these things, is that in these situations, only an atheist can truly relate. That's right, regardless of how close friends and family may be to you in these circumstances only another person who leans not on faith can truly understand how you feel. The atheists are the only ones that can offer you the support that you need, the dose of  non-sugar coated reality  that works.

There is another reason why it is difficult to get support when the chips are down if you are a known atheist. Horrible as it sounds, atheist suffering actually strengthens a believer's faith. One of the most troubling realities to persons of faith is the fact that so many atheists seem to live happy and fulfilled lives. It's not that religious people want ill to come of non believers but they need some support to keep believing that a God  is making things better for them. Seeing us suffer may hurt them on a personal level but it gives them a relief by providing evidence, albeit  using confirmation bias, that life is not so good without God after all. They tell themselves that your condition would be far better if you just opened your heart to Him. That's why atheists in hospitals have nurses trying to convert them everyday. It helps remove the cognitive dissonance if the followers can bring someone to Jesus, it strengthens their faith to know that they are doing the work of the Lord in their professional lives. Saving an atheist's life so that he can get up next day and continue to bash your religion just doesn't seem like it would be part of  God's plan.

It's frightening to think that a caregiver may be less willing to go the extra mile to save you when you don't believe, that they may be interested more in saving you in soul than in body when you lie on the operating table. However, that's the reality of atheism and the price you have to pay for standing in reason and you are likely to feel the isolation when you are at your lowest ebb. Not because the people in the world don't love you and want to see you well, but because the worldview that they feel they must maintain  for their own welfare, requires you be kept on the outside until you say the magic words, " I believe."

Words of comfort without God

Curiously, this inability to understand in times of trials, atheist versus theist, seems to go only one way. Now that I can no longer pick from the "platitudes on a platter" to help a friend in bereavement, I have been forced to challenge myself. It means I have to think of something meaningful to say. What I do these days when trying to comfort friends in grief is to write a sentence or two on the life of the person lost and include something they did or said to me that  has made a difference in my life. I have found that the persons grieving have been very appreciative of these short tributes and have expressed how moved they were to hear that they loved one touched me in a personal way. It's quite different from the simple "thank you" I got when I just used to pick from the "platter" in days gone by. My friends never seem to realise that God is absent from the notes I send. One day maybe they will acknowledge that referring to God at the end of a tribute is simply branding, like sticking on a "Nike" label on your shoe.  It makes absolutely no difference to the message, it's just an attempt to gain divine legitimacy.

So there it is. We can come to the aid of the faithful but they will never be fully able to embrace us where we are. What does that mean? It means that we have to be there for our fellow non believers wherever they may be. We cannot provide promises of divine protection, but we can reassure them by telling them that we understand them and fight many of the same battles everyday. We have survived thus far and therefore there is a good chance that the atheist friend in the struggle will prevail as well. That is often all that is needed for a non believer to go on to fight another day.

We are dotted in remote corners of the world but the internet has allowed us to close some of the divide, becoming "atheists of the gaps" as we seek to make each others' journeys a little less lonely. Yes, there are truly times in our lives when only an atheist can help. We must remember that there is strength in numbers and that the more of us that can be there for the struggling atheist the more effective the movement will be. So, we "cats" need to get over our fear of the collective, and not be so terrified of being part of the herd. Otherwise, with the increasing din of  the fundamentalists, we just won't ever be heard.

The Death of the Barbados Prime Minister: A look from the atheist side

Sadly the fears of the nation have come to pass, the Prime Minister of Barbados , David Thompson is dead. I express my condolences to his family, friends and the entire nation. In spite of the numerous prayers offered and the various worship services as I described in an earlier post, there was to be no miracle. Not even the bold declaration by a pastor who said " we will not let another prime minister die under our watch" made an impact.

Death on its own is hard but its intensity is even greater when it is that of a leader of a nation as small as Barbados. With 270,000 people you can be sure that each person has seen the Prime Minister at some point; maybe out at a political meeting, visiting in his constituency, watching a game of cricket, or attending a calypso tent. This death also feels more tragic because of the youth of our leader at age 48. A leader who had dreamed about being the prime minister from since he was at school, was clearly relishing the job and was committed to leaving his legacy after persevering for many years to get that top spot. So, why would God decide to take him from us now? Well, thankfully I don't have to ponder on such "difficult"questions these days. That's surely an atheistic advantage.

Predictably the tributes have been coming in from all over the globe and many have been very personal and touching. Of course, religious sentiments have been at the forefront. In fact I have yet to read a single one on the main online tribute pages that doesn't allude to something "spiritual." One common sentiment is " Rest in peace and rise in glory." I am still trying to figure out exactly what that means.

The rationalisations for why God decided to take David at this time have been many. "God must have needed an extra angel !" one person claimed. There have also been many prayers of thanks to God for removing Mr. Thompson's pain, as if this is really what they were asking for when they were pleading to the saviour to deliver the PM. One writer was even giving thanks to the Lord for providing men of God at the bedside so that the PM could be ushered into the hereafter. Wait, you need ushers to go into heaven now? Is he going to a wedding? One of those same priests stated how they had released the PM into the arms of God. What would God have done if the men of cloth decided they wanted to hold on to their man? I wonder.

In reading the many accounts of persons who were assured that Mr. Thompson is now in the embracing arms of Jesus, something struck me. Atheists are often criticized by the faithful for being too committed to the physical world, obsessed with naturalism and married unconditionally to the mantra of materialism, trusting only in our five senses. But, what I was reading this morning was Christians clinging desperately to the physical. For their descriptions of heaven speak directly to those same five senses. Heaven is always described as a place, it must therefore be located at some point "X" which we are able to detect somehow. According to many, our senses will be very much alive when that "roll is called up yonder." We will see our long lost relatives, hear the sounds of the blaring trumpets and feel the loving embrace of a creator, we may even smell the roses of a garden or taste milk and honey. I know that many people see heaven as a "spiritual" place but once we are experiencing direct stimulation to our senses, heaven or the spiritual realm must at least be "physical like" in as much as it is analogous to experiences we have here on earth. What is more is that Christians speak of existing in this realm forever, so this "physical like" state they think extends to the infinite. This means that there must be some type of "material" that exists forever. Yet so many theists scoff at the idea of matter always existing.

On the other hand, after hearing the news this morning, I found myself not focusing on things related to the physical realms . I had no thoughts about a body travelling to to take up some cosmic real estate in an alternative world. I accept we have lost the PM in body and that this is not coming back in any form or fashion, I have indeed let go of the physical. Instead I am thinking about his non physical part. The ideas he brought to the table, the love he showed for Barbados and the causes he believed in. In there are things that I can draw from to make a difference in my own life today and well into the future. In so doing, a life can indeed tend to being eternal, as a person can make a difference without existing in the physical. We live in an age where many relationships thrive without any physical interaction. Skype, facebook , instant messaging, are everyday, the material world, in terms of communication at least, is not the ultimate reality.

Yet, on a day like today people spend their time thinking about what lies on the "other side", how our late leader will get a new body and be taken care of until we one day join him. In looking towards hoped for hereafters we forget the messages we are being given through completed life stories in the here and now . We don't toss a book in the garbage just because we have finished reading it, neither should we consider a life "finished" because there are no more chapters to be added.

In the last message the prime minister gave to the nation, he did not appear on screen, due to the severity of his weight loss." I want you to focus on the message rather the medium, " he declared. Mr. Prime Minister, you can be rest assured that is what I will always strive to do.